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April 25, 2006
Hard Truths
As I near the end of my second year of law school, I've been thinking quite hard about what I actually want to do with my post-law school life. Thus far, I've arrived at the following conclusions:
1. I AM A SPOILED BRAT
My life thus far has been incredibly easy. I've gotten nearly everything I've ever wanted, sometimes through sheer stubborness, but most of the time without very much effort. The few major disappointments I've suffered have been, for the most part, of the blessing-in-disguise variety. If I'm being completely honest, the only thing I've ever really had to work at is running, which is why I think it's such an indelible part of me.
2. I NEED TO RUN
Not just run; I need to run to the best of my ability. Running is the thing that makes me me. Without running, I am average. While I'm an average runner, running makes me a not average person. But I don't enjoy running unless I'm running well, so I need to make time and expend the effort to run well.
3. I AM NOT A CITY PERSON
This is one of the harder things I've had to admit to myself. Frankly, it's quite a blow to the image I have of myself as a tough, gritty New Yorker. On a more serious note, it also means admitting that I'm not going to be happy living in New York or other big cities for the rest of my life, which complicates things given my chosen career path. However, I am definitely happiest in the mountains, or in more rural places where I can step out the door onto dirt roads or soft trails. I think the reason I'm so dissatisfied living in Chicago is that I'm not a city person and it doesn't share the conveniences and perks that make New York bearable (close friends and family nearby, excellent public transportation system, relatively easy access to good running places, etc.).
4. I AM RUNNING OUT OF TIME
Both in terms of running and in terms of life in general. I probably only have 2-3 more years that I'll be capable of running PRs. And, as for the rest of my life, there's so much that I want to do, I don't know how I'm going to fit it all in. Kind of makes me wish I had figured out what I wanted to do with my life sooner, instead of frittering away my 20s (not that I'd ever give up some of the experiences I was lucky enough to have while I frittered -- how could I ever regret anything that put me in the Yankees locker room after a World Series victory?). There are things that are important for me to do career-wise (along the human rights dimension), but which I can't begin to do without "experience." At the same time, I'd like to have a family. At this late stage, it seems unavoidable that I will have to simultaneously juggle career and family aspirations (hypothetical family aspirations -- as my mom keeps pointing out, first I have to meet someone I'd want to spend the rest of my life with... which just isn't an option at the moment as I barely have time to prepare proper meals with my law school busy-ness). Had I gone to law school straight out of college, I could have kicked my career into high gear as soon as I graduated from law school, gotten my "experience," then taken a step back to raise a family, then moved on to what I ultimately want to do career-wise.
So much for the life update. The running update: I went to Active Body Chiropractic (the ART people recommended by a couple of people -- thanks!) and the chiropractor I saw there appears to have identified the source of my quadricep problem. This seems miraculous to me because I'm so accustomed to being disappointed by doctors who can never seem to accurately diagnose, let alone fix my over-use injuries. It seems that a muscle or tendon that runs from my thigh through my groin and attaches somewhere in my abdomen is very tight. This, combined with my running style (I run almost exclusively on my toes), is putting a lot of strain on my quad. Stretching out that muscle/tendon really DOES make the quad problem go away. I was running today on the treadmill at "easy" (8MM) pace when after about 10 minutes my quad started burning. I suffered until I had run three miles, then I stopped and stretched and, miracle of miracles, the burning never came back, even when I dropped the pace to 7MM for the last couple of miles. Happiness.
Posted by alweiss at April 25, 2006 03:28 PM
Comments
#1: Getting nearly everything you've wanted in life does not inherently make one spoiled. Not recognizing that fact and being grateful for it does...
Posted by: pjm at April 26, 2006 07:33 AM
I'm not sure how old you are, but I always thought women peaked in distance running in their mid-thirties... so you may have more time for that than you think!
Good luck figuring out how to manage everything, it is a good step to know what you want out of life :) Now you just need to get it!
Posted by: barb at April 26, 2006 01:45 PM
Point number two seems to contradict point number one. You have learned that it takes hard work and dedication to get some things that you want. True spoiled brats would not have learned that.
As far as running out of time to run PRs, there is a woman who I run with who set all of her PRs between 36-38. She had fast times before then, but that was when she consistently ran 17:10 for 5K--there is still time.
Blondie
Posted by: Blondie at April 26, 2006 07:32 PM
Almost all of my injuries over the years have been generated, caused, or perpetrated because of tightness. Getting into a consistent, routine stretching regimen was one of the best things I've ever done for my running. Stretching keeps me loose, and that keeps me from getting tight, and that helps me avoid injury (that's the Transitive Property of Stretching :) ).
I think you're being a bit tough on yourself in the post, but we runners are generally good at that. Bring a copy of _Walden_ with you next time you're in the outdoors and enjoy the uplifting spiritual contemplations. That always does the trick for me.
Posted by: stephen at April 26, 2006 08:58 PM
I also think you are being too hard on yourself. It's so hard to figure out what we truly want in life because it constantly changes. I'll bet in your early 20s, you really wanted to be in that Yankee locker room :-) I also think you have at least 6-10 more years to run fast times (have you seen some of the times women in their mid 30s, early 40s are posting? It gives me sooooo much hope!).
As for a family, I love the fact that you want to raise a family. The right one will come along - probably when you are not looking :-)
Posted by: bridget at April 26, 2006 09:21 PM
Glad to hear that the ART folks found the source of your injury and that you're feeling better!
Posted by: katiek9 at April 27, 2006 09:21 AM
Yay! I'm so glad to hear that the ART thing helped. I'm also excited to hear the conclusions you've come to about your life from the hard mulling. They sound absolutely, 100% true to you and it's great to hear you articulate them. The only thing I disagree with you on is that without running you are an average person. Remember, I've known you since before you were a runner, and you have NEVER been average - you've always approached life with a unique combination of energy, intelligence and enthusiasm - not to mention spunkiness and determination! (Never mind the stubborness and naughtiness...) I do know though what an important part of who you are running - and in general, being active - is. Go get 'em!
Posted by: E. at April 27, 2006 03:29 PM
Being average ain't that necessarily bad! You know, it is like at the top of the bell curve, nice view 'n' all, downhill on either side :)
Not sure it applies but I found this unpretentious, existentially ambiguous quote from Camus about "conclusions":
"We are not certain, we are never certain. If we were we could reach some conclusions, and we could, at last, make others take us seriously.”
R U sure there is a finish line? Really?
corrado
Posted by: corrado giambalvo at April 28, 2006 03:07 PM