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June 18, 2007
What A Mess!
Please Note: This is a story about trail running, and the things that trail runners may or may not need to do while running for hours in the wilderness. If you know what I mean. Consider yourself warned. Heh, heh.
Let's just say that, on a recent trail run, I made quite a mess.
Alright, I admit it, I wear these shorts on some trail runs (Non-trail runners, don't knock them! They are perfect for carrying several gels, chapstick, and a car key. Combine them with one or two hand-held water bottles, and you're ready for hours of trail running. That said, I would ONLY wear them on trail runs.).
Sometime last week, I was out on a 2-ish hour trail run. I put 3 gels in these shorts (And a few other things, but the gels are the key element of the story.), and set off. Sometime during the run, I had to take a pee break along the trail. I'm sure that everyone knows that, for women, this almost exclusively involves dropping one's drawers and popping a woodsy squat.
When I had accomplished my mission, I resumed my clothed, standing position. I was shocked, appalled, and disgusted to feel wet shorts clinging to the back of my left leg. I looked back there to confirm that my shorts were, indeed, wet. How could I have managed to pee on my shorts? I mean, I'm a grown-up, and I have no idea when I last peed my pants. Further, I've been an outdoors person for my whole life, which should make me a field expert at peeing in the woods.
My first thought was, Oh, thank goodness I am all alone, and no one else knows! My second thought was, I have got to find a creek as soon as possible so I can rinse off my shorts. With that, I continued down the trail in search of the elusive creek that would save me from this state of embarassment and misery. As I ran, I began to notice that my shorts were not only clinging to my leg, but they were really sticking! I stopped running to investigate again.
I began to suspect that the substance on my shorts and leg wasn't pee after all. In a brave moment, I pressed a single finger to my shorts and it stuck, thus proving my suposition that I now had gel all over my lower body. Upon this discovery, my first thought was, What a relief, I didn't pee on my shorts! My second thought was, This is really sticky, I need to find a creek to rinse off my shorts. And so, I headed down the trail again, with my sticky left leg, in search of that still elusive creek.
I forgot to mention my third thought, that I felt like perfect bear bait. I mean, here I was, running through the Montana wilderness with a sweet, sticky substance slathered all over my body. I can imagine the headline already, "Local Woman Found Licked Clean By Bear."
I found a creek, rinsed off my shorts, and finished my trail run without incident. During that time, I thought about how the gel got from inside its single-serving pouch to the back of my leg and shorts. I'm a smart girl and I figured it out pretty quickly: When I dropped my drawers and popped the pee squat, I also popped the gel. Literally, the pouch must have been squeezed (squoze?) between my upper and lower leg as I squatted.
Now really, what are the chances of doing this? In my own amazement and bewilderment (And with the encouragement of the others to whom I've since told the story.), I tried to re-create the incident to better understand what happened (Yes, I'm a dork like that.). Let me be the first to say that it is very easy to pop a gel this way!
Thus, trail runners (Female and make alike. We all know that men squat in the woods as well, albeit for a different reason!) be forewarned, exercise caution while squatting in the woods when you have gels in your pockets.
Posted by Meghan at June 18, 2007 2:33 AM
Comments
hehehe. agreed, what ARE the chances of this happening?!?
hi meghan!
Posted by: Audrey at June 18, 2007 4:56 AM
I'm not inclined to think that we all have upper and lower leg muscles strong enough to pop a gel pouch. It's you. But just to be sure that I'm not remotely in as good shape as you are, I'm going to try. At home. I'll let you know.
Posted by: Roslyn at June 18, 2007 12:53 PM
At the Steamboat Springs Marathon, I stopped to pee where there was no privacy. (As distance runners all know, there isn't much modesty practiced beyond 20+ miles.) I pulled one short leg open and pee'd down.
A woman stopped next to me and ... did the same thing!!! And she didn't even make a mess!
I tell ya, peeing isn't a turn on, but having a skill like that!?! I wanted to marry her!
Too bad she was too fast.
Posted by: JeffO at June 18, 2007 4:50 PM
Now I gotta say that isn't a great situation but it's better than what I was envisioning as I was reading the story - that you somehow peed on your gels and then accidentally ate them anyway!!! Now that's really gross!!
Gel is so sticky isn't it? I usually get it all over my aerobars (despite strong efforts not to) and then ride with my hands all sticking to everything for the next 50 miles... :)
Posted by: Beth at June 18, 2007 5:14 PM
At least now you know how to stay out of sticky situations like this again! Popping open gel packs with your butt is a mad skill that should be included on your next resume. I'm in awe, not only can you run like the wind on trails you can blow open a gel pack with a single squat. Incredible!
Posted by: Eric at June 18, 2007 10:20 PM
Meghan Said: running through the Montana wilderness with a sweet, sticky substance slathered all over my body. I can imagine the headline already, "Local Woman Found Licked Clean By Bear."
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LOLOLOL Glad u rinsed off, NO feeding Da Bears!
Good run and sticky post:-)
Posted by: Bob G at June 19, 2007 2:15 PM
What JeffO said. Meghan, you've got to learn to pee without squatting, it's a first aid kit for any long distance running! It's easy, and there is even an interent article about it I read, but basically, pull the shorts to the side from one leg, spread your legs wider and hit the ground hard (if not, it'll trinkle over your legs). Practice in the shower:) Sorry for graphic details, but it saves a ton of time and modesty on the runs! And amuses some guys unfamiliar with its exsistence:)
Posted by: olga at June 19, 2007 2:54 PM
No doubt!
Posted by: JeffO at June 21, 2007 8:23 AM
Great gel warning and great advice from Olga! I will have to practice that skill. I've come too close to getting caught with my pants down.
Posted by: cathy at June 21, 2007 9:13 PM
Yep, the pull-aside is one of the most revolutionary running things I learned from a fellow (female) ultra runner. I immediately told my sister about it, I was so excited. It seems so obvious but apparently it doesn't come naturally or we'd be born knowing how to do it but from what I hear it seems like a learned skill only. That said, if you'd known about the pull-aside, I wouldn't have gotten a chuckle tonight. I hope Bridger went well! Can't wait to hear! PS: you'll shave seconds off your race times, too, because you won't spend precious seconds slowing down to judge trees and bushes for woodsy-squat coverability! Not to mention how hard it is toward the end of a race to come UP from the woodsy squat. Okay, enough squat talk!
Posted by: Kendra Sly-bo at June 23, 2007 9:04 PM
Yep, the "pull-aside" is one of the most revolutionary running things I learned from a fellow (female) ultra runner. I immediately told my sister about it, I was so excited. It seems so obvious but apparently it doesn't come naturally or we'd be born knowing how to do it yet from what I hear it seems like a learned skill only. That said, if you'd known about the pull-aside, I wouldn't have gotten a chuckle tonight. I hope Bridger went well! Can't wait to hear! PS: you'll shave seconds off your race times, too, because you won't spend precious seconds slowing down to judge trees and bushes for woodsy-squat coverability! Not to mention how hard it is toward the end of a race to come UP from the woodsy squat. Okay, enough squat talk!
Posted by: Kendra Sly-bo at June 23, 2007 9:13 PM
Argh!
Posted by: Kendra Dumb-bo at June 23, 2007 9:21 PM