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May 9, 2007
Maintaining Control
In this crazy, chaotic world, there exists a fence line of control. On one side of the fence is our mostly (albeit subjectively so) sane, controlled, normal world; on the other side of the fence is that wacky place we go when life gets beyond our grip, beyond our capacity to do all that is asked of us in the given 24 hours of each day.
Sometimes we find ourselves riding on the fence of control over our own lives. One tilt to one side of the fence and we can feel the universe begin to spin in wild undulations. One tilt to the other side and the universe slows her spinning madness to a pace that we can keep up with. While I haven't fallen off the fence and lost complete control, I have felt myself tipping a little too far in that direction in the last 2 or 3 weeks.
Admittedly, I like being on the calm and controlled side of the fence. I know there are people who enjoy the other side, but that just isn't me. When I get on the wrong side of the fence, it is typically the result of investing too much time, effort, and emotion into the needs of others, and not enough on myself. I do that, you know; I put others before myself to an extreme that results in me missing the basic elements of my own life. The key word there is "extreme," as I think there is a healthy balance to be found among taking care of oneself and taking care of others. I could ponder this idea a lot more, and I suppose that I should, at some point. However, I'm not going to do that here and now; I mention these facts so that I may point out my current conscious effort towards recollecting my life.
Thus, over the last couple of days, I've been consciously trying to reel the world back within my grip once again. At the moment, I'm trying to whittle life down to my bare bones needs for survival and happiness. On the top of that list are: 1) I've gotten adequate sleep; 2) I've tried to empathatically support those around me without engaging my own emotions to a dangerously over-supportive level; 3) I've done some good running; and 4) I've said "when" when a task was just too much for me to handle, given all else that is present in life. Number 4 is perhaps the most meaningful member of the list, simply because I have struggled with setting boundaries like this for my entire life.
So, onward and upward. Joyfully, I will begin my 7 days off of work tomorrow morning, after putting a fair bit more than 80 work hours in the last 7 days. This will free up gobs of time usually spent doing that thing called my job, and allow me to further reorganize my life. To myself, to the close ones around me, and to those people that read my blog: I'm boot camping the next 7 days of my life. I'm going to use these days to iron life out and get myself headed back down the straight and narrow.
I suppose I should talk about running. I'm also going to boot camp my running in the next 7 days. It's 'round about time that I round up and get 'er dun' in this department, if I have any hopes of having a good racing season this summer. Tick, tock, time is slipping away.
Posted by Meghan at May 9, 2007 7:37 PM
Comments
I think you nailed down something that I struggle with too - that investment of time in others. Once in a while I start feeling overwhelmed and grouchy about all that is being asked of me - kind of like I can give so much, but then it tips me over. Occasionally it is too many things on my plate, but often it is an individual who needs more than I have to offer - at least emotionally. When that happens I start to distance myself. I haven't learned how to tell someone that they are asking for more than I can give. I feel like I am letting them down, or leaving them in their time of need. It's not fair to me or them. If you get this figured out, then help me figure it out! For now, Eric gets to hear me vent about it and help me try to find my balance.
Posted by: backofpack at May 9, 2007 9:17 PM
Hope you have a wonderful week of not working to get caught up with life! I could never handle your schedule...working 80 hours in a week!!! Plus it sounds like you have a lot of other "stuff" on top of that. Regardless I hope this upcoming 7 days finds you happy and healthy and enjoying life!
Posted by: Beth at May 10, 2007 5:08 AM
Hey great post Meghan. I've also conjured these thoughts. Ultra-runners are an interesting and tough breed of people. To be able to commit the training hours and still be able to work a full-time job. Seems almost impossible. Imagine how far one's level would rise if they eliminated the "job" out of the equation.
Thanks for the well wish on Saturday!
have a good break!
WynnMan
Posted by: Wynn at May 10, 2007 5:46 AM
ahhhh the ole' fence post...it's a tricky subject on how to ride the correct side..or how to have the balance to be right ON that fence!!...I personal have been on ALL sides of the fence even UNDER it a few times-lol oh well, enjoy your 7 days away from work...chill, relax, ponder but most important RUN, run baby run!!...
OK well maybe not run all the time but get some good workouts in...that will help keep ya sane:-)
Posted by: Bob G at May 10, 2007 3:32 PM
My fence has barbed wire. Too bad I make the mistake of straddling it sometimes! (That's gonna leave a mark!)
I've pared-down my life a couple months ago, but then somehow I've managed to over-schedule it again. Balance is ellusive for extremists.
Have fun chillin' on your week off.
Posted by: JeffO at May 10, 2007 4:37 PM
Hey Meghan, Well written post! It's hard to know when to say no to others. I struggle with this ALL the time. But finding balance is really important too. I am yearning for that all the time. Your work schedule is so busy!! I hope these next 7 days off give you a bit of a reprieve and fill you with some solice. Thanks for the great post! Take care of YOURSELF!
Posted by: Mary at May 10, 2007 9:04 PM
Run with the wind! Be free and set your burdens loose to drift away.
We can't be everything to everyone. You can only wrap your arms around so much before you start dropping things. It's good that you are pulling back and reorganizing your life balance.
Enjoy
Posted by: Eric at May 10, 2007 10:19 PM