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June 14, 2006
"Do You Understand What I'm Saying?"
This entry is an attempt to describe and make fun of a recent experience that I had at a cardiologist. I visited the cardiologist for a stress echocardiogram. The goal of this procedure is to take ultrasound and doppler radar footage of the heart both at rest and under stress, thus somehow giving field experts the ability to determine whether or not one has heart disease. The test's results indicated that I had no sign of heart disease, which is a great thing in light of learning that my dad had a heart attack at my age, and now I have a funny story to tell as well.
My regular doctor gave me a few pointers regarding what I should expect and what I should bring. As a result, I expected to go to the cardiologist, let them look at my heart while I lay peacefully at rest, then run on a treadmill until I'm close to my heart rate maximum, then let them look at my heart again. This is exactly how it went.
So, I'm ushered into one of the rooms, some sort of techinician fellow askes me a few questions, tells me that he's going to do basically what I described above, and then leaves the room asking me to get undressed from the waist up. He says that he's going to hook a long series of heart monitoring patches all over my chest and abdomen. So, I get undressed from the waist up, he attaches these things all over me, then tells me he's ready for me to get on the treadmill. "Should I change into running clothes?" I ask. "Oh no, you won't need them." he answers. Really? I ponder to myself. I follow with, "So, how long will I be running?" He indicates, "You'll just be walking, don't worry." "Wait, I'm confused," I start, "Doesn't my heart rate have to surpass 90% of its maximum before you can finish the procedure?" "Yes, of course." he answers. There's a long pause while I'm thinking. He's probably looking at me idiotically, but I don't notice.
"So, I'm going to run on the treadmill until my heart rate reaches 90%?" "YES," he answers with emphasis and growing frustration. I ask him to explain just one more time what the treadmill is going to do. He tells me that it's going to start at 3.4 mph and 3% incline for 3 minutes, and then after each 3 minutes the treadmill will increase in speed and incline until I exceed 90% of my heart rate. The maximum possible speed of the treadmill is 12 miles and hour and 10% incline, he says. "Well, it's going to take a a while for me, and I'm going to need some running clothes." I answer, at the same time making awkward motions towards my bare chest that's only lightly covered with a paper shirt. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" I ask him. "Ohhhhh, I get it. But oh no, you can't wear a bra, it will impede the readings." And with that, I get on the treadmill.
Now, I'm 12 minutes into the process. The treadmill is going 6.something mph and at some low incline. I'm in a slow shuffle, my heart rate is hovering steadily low, and I'm holding onto my boobs as I shuffle. There's a tremendous ackward silence in the room. The technician occaisionally volunteers, not making eye contact, "Gee, I sure wish I could make this thing go faster." Yeah, me too, buddy, I say to myself.
It's 21 minutes in, and I'm finally getting close to 90%. By now, the cardiologist has made a token appearance in the room. He walks in and instantly laughs. I don't blame him. I mean, I must look ridiculous. I'm running at a fast clip on a big incline, and I'm holding onto my boobs for dear life through the paper shirt! Good lord! I feel a very strong sense of embarassment. It's awful, really. Finally, finally, finally, the machine beeps and stops, I'm put out of my mistery, and I'm ushered over to to the machine for some more heart footage.
People, I tell you!
This is a down week, running-wise. I also didn't make it to my 55 miles for last week. My second day off from running threw my mileage off into an unrecoverable place. I'm not too unhappy with last week, though, as I rode well on my bike when I wasn't running. This week, I'm running just 30 or so easy miles. This down week coincides with my return to the Midwest for a little family time. I think just having 5 easy miles a day or so to run will be both a welcome respite and a relief.
Posted by Meghan at June 14, 2006 6:12 PM
Comments
I am smiling. I am really trying not to b/c I imagine it must have been miserable :( But you are right, it is a good story to tell. I am glad you are healthy!
Posted by: Audrey at June 14, 2006 6:57 PM
Thanks for sharing the story. Although I would have been mortified if it it were me on that treadmill in the same scenario, reading about the experience from the comfort of my office chair absolutely cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh this morning! TOO FUNNY!
Posted by: anne at June 15, 2006 8:53 AM
This reminds me about an article I read for one of my women's studies classes about how the mammogram procedure was obviously designed by a man. (I've never had one so I don't know - maybe the process has been changed by now, but their point that it was very degrading.) So obviously this procedure and policy was designed by men.
I once ran a clothing optional race in Washington state with James (the blogger) and some other friends. I opted to be clothed, though if I had thrown my clothes off at the finish line, I could have won the naked women's division...instead I finished second in the clothed division.
Posted by: Alison at June 15, 2006 8:53 AM
Can't figure out if the cardiologist and the technician are probable closet (albeit innocuous) perverts, or if the testing protocol needs to be thoroughly revised. I know from my own tests, there are better and faster ways to get to 90% max HR.
For sure great laughs, largely thanks to your broad-shouldered sense of humor. I can picture some women quite reasonably getting pissed off at the whole scenario... anyway thanks for the account :) happy running, ciao corrado
Posted by: corrado giambalvo at June 15, 2006 11:49 AM
Wow, that is a great story! Thanks for sharing. I can't believe they had never considered the potential, uh, discomfort and more importantly, how it could be solved! At least you got to show off that you're in above-average shape. :)
Posted by: Paige at June 15, 2006 12:43 PM