Meghan's Blog

Good morning. Enjoy your 7 wonderful days off. As usual, it sounds like you are taking full advantage of all of the opportunity for fun and nature (and st. patrick's day) that are around you.

I'm sorry about the breakup. I'm glad your friends are looking out for you-even if you think it's annoying right now!! :)

One need look no further than any metropolitan bar near last call, on any given Saturday night, to conclude that 'men' 'these days' are:

1. Pigs
2. Single-minded, solely focused on pretty much one thing at a time and that thing involves the timeless game of clothing removal,'scoring,' and subsequent caveman/peer bragging.
3 Capable of no attention span to do things like windy walks or chat on the phone about the scent of the newly blooming tulips in the garden.
4. The scion of ooga-booga creatures in caves picking fleas off one another.
5. The scion of Machiavellian feudal lords scheming and backstabbing while consantly going to church.
6. The scion of Generals, dictators, and presidents--ordering other men to their deaths in the pursuit of wealth and power.

Yes, I am a man, but I'm trying to put myself in a woman's shoes for this posting.

Now, since you asked the question, I'm a man, and I'm single-minded and selfish, I'll answer your question. After all, women posing open-ended questions to man is another timeless game of pruning and natural selection. But I'll bite.

" Good men, identify yourselves, and, further, tell me why you're good."

My name is Duncan Larkin
I'm good because:
1. I taught you the Devil Crunch.
2. I can't do as many quarters as you did in your days of yore.
3. I read Fitzgerald?

Seriously, I hope this at least made you smile. Sounds like you are walking on some rough ground; enjoy your break, smell the fresh air, and realize that a breeze of good men will blow your direction; be patient.

But

I think the problem is that no one is all good. It's just a matter of finding people who are much more good than bad, and who are more likely to display that goodness a higher percentage of the time. This one apparently started to display more bad than good, but because you are such an amazing, positive person, and you probably have more "good" in you than 99% of the population, you will continue to find good candidates to choose from.

I hope you have a great weekend and it sounds like you have lots of good friends to help you through this. It's no coincidence that you make good friends wherever you go.

re. working together: Duncan sounds like a good man. Hard to say if that will mean he is the right man for you, and I imagine he has his "issues" like we all do, but he sounds like a good guy. Alison said Zeke seemed like a good guy. Kevin Beck seems like a good guy. You need the dictionary to read his posts but his thoughts are always provoking and stimulating. Mike Mollod (who Kevin wrote about in a memorable post) seems like a good guy. And I imagine there are a lot of good guys out there and even near you probably. However, if you expect to find out if a man is good because of what he tells you, well you are at risk of fraud. Just like men are if they expect to find their soul-woman as a function of their ability to self-promote. To really figure people out it takes time (lots of time) and energy to also "discover" them. I really agree with Alison that no one is all good. We learn from our mistakes. And at times mistakes - often caused by ignorance - are generated by ill feelings. So you can't be too hard with something (non-goodness for lack of better definition) that binds all of human existence. The hardest part about non-goodness, is dealing with the outcome of our generosity which may be totally misinterpreted. But true generosity is by definition without interest. And when it works it feels very close to what I would say is profound Love, like we have for our children (to whom we give endlessly...) So maybe if you are in search mode, a little less generosity and a bit more discovery may at least make voracious self-promoters (which you don't want) bored so they go away and leave you alone, and give you a bit more time with types you are interested in but can't really figure out. The great thing is that sometimes you get lucky and you meet a person you think is great and they think the same of you. And that's just sweet. All the best, corrado

re. working together: Duncan sounds like a good man. Hard to say if that will mean he is the right man for you, and I imagine he has his "issues" like we all do, but he sounds like a good guy. Alison said Zeke seemed like a good guy. Kevin Beck seems like a good guy. You need the dictionary to read his posts but his thoughts are always provoking and stimulating. Mike Mollod (who Kevin wrote about in a memorable post) seems like a good guy. And I imagine there are a lot of good guys out there and even near you probably. However, if you expect to find out if a man is good because of what he tells you, well you are at risk of fraud. Just like men are if they expect to find their soul-woman as a function of their ability to self-promote. To really figure people out it takes time (lots of time) and energy to also "discover" them. I really agree with Alison that no one is all good. We learn from our mistakes. And at times mistakes - often caused by ignorance - are generated by ill feelings. So you can't be too hard with something (non-goodness for lack of better definition) that binds all of human existence. The hardest part about non-goodness, is dealing with the outcome of our generosity which may be totally misinterpreted. But true generosity is by definition without interest. And when it works it feels very close to what I would say is profound Love, like we have for our children (to whom we give endlessly...) So maybe if you are in search mode, a little less generosity and a bit more discovery may at least make voracious self-promoters (which you don't want) bored so they go away and leave you alone, and give you a bit more time with types you are interested in but can't really figure out. The great thing is that sometimes you get lucky and you meet a person you think is great and they think the same of you. And that's just sweet. All the best, corrado

Sorry about double post :) Hope you appreciate a great oldie...(thinking of the raspy Cocker version)

What would you think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day,
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)

No, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I need somebody to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love.

Would you believe in a love at first sight
Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time
What do you see when you turn out the light
I can't tell you but I know it's mine,

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I just need someone to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends.

I hope that you enjoy your week off in the mountains.

You will not become jaded. I think that we have all gone through some of these periods in our lives. It hurts immensely at first and then, over time, the hurt lessens. That is not to say that it will necessarily go away, because sometimes it won't. There will come a time when it doesn't hurt as much every day. Unfortunately, it can affect future relationships if you aren't aware of it.

Hope that the celebration of your Irish heritage was fun!

Blondie

Counter-intuitively...I think allowing yourself to feel hurt and angry helps in the quest to avoid cynical jadedness. Give yourself permission to be pissed off at the object of your former desire. Soured relationships suck, but you do learn something from them despite the pain and with a little (Irish?) luck, you'll emerge stronger and better prepared to spot the pitfalls in the next one.

There are plenty of great men out there...I have often found that some of you women folk find them uninteresting or boring or good for being friends with only and overlook them as potential relationship material. When you are going after the adrenaline junkies or "supermen" of one kind or another you are going to get big egos and self-centric boys for the most part. Guess you have to take your pick...or maybe show a "boring" one a little adventure. As for myself I think the Mrs will vouch for my not belonging to the sterotype and for not being totally uninteresting...at least not in her eyes. :-)

On the guy issue you are right of course. And it would be a wonderful world if it was only so simple. I think the best the opposite sex can do is to put out a little positive reinforcement. You know break up with or not date those who treat them poorly. Stay with the "good" guys even if they aren't perfect. It really is in your control if you choose to make it so.

More importantly, running 6 easy miles in the snow under a pink sky is something to be excited about. Being able to run without pain under anything but a cold, gray and sometimes very wet sky is a blessing. Yahoo, today is the first day of Spring!!