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February 4, 2006
Missing My One, True Love
No, this isn't going to be a pathetic blog about a guy. i miss running. i'm not talking about running a few miles here or there, but im talking about really getting into the mode of training and believing in your goal. I am realizing that the emptiness i feel is from not really putting my heart and soul into my training. i may run, but im not eating well- or at all sometimes. i know that isn't really training and so i feel sad and guilty. it struck me today that the one thing that really makes me feel alive is running. well, there may be other things, but the one thing that is simple to do and something i have control over to do or not. no one is stopping me from doing the right things. i am just not always making the right choices. i will cut myself a little slack that the past few months have been tough ones, learning about how my mind works and how that contributes to my depression and anxiety and how i also have control over that. that has, and is, taking a lot of energy. but, the feeling of accomplishment that i get from knowing that i am doing everything i can each day to achieve my goal is not there. that is something i can easily change. so, why am i not? that is the million dollar question. i think i just realized today how much i really miss running as a part of my daily routine. emotionally, i have let myself off the hook if i feel really down, but i don't think that is the route im taking from here on out. im going to plan one run a day, one that leaves me with all the mileage i need for now and leave the opening for another run if i want it. but, i will slack there.
im cat sitting this weekend (dog sitting last weekend for some challenging dogs) and next weekend, it's back to my 'regular" dog sitting job. im looking forward to that one because it's near my house and the dog is soooooo easy. the condo is comfy and just thinking about how sweet the owner is makes me feel peaceful there. so, i have to mark a route for myself to run right now. i'm cat sitting about 30 minutes south of here (it's amazing how many different jobs i have been getting!) and so need to tend to the cats. it's a place im not familiar with at all, so i'll just be running blindly tomorrow, but one thing is sure- I"ll be running:) the one thing that i haven't shared in my blog is that i have been thinking that maybe my love for running was just plain gone. i haven't understood what is wrong with me- until today. sooo, that's why im soooo excited that it was never gone, just hiding under some junk:)
hope everyone else is well and that the weather other places is as sweet as it is here in the northeast. it's about 45 degrees here, with little snow left and promises of rain this evening. is spring here:) let me dream, please....
Posted by lilly at February 4, 2006 4:06 PM
Comments
i love how honest and enlightening your blog entries are. i think it is hard to not feel alive in the one aspect of your life that you have always succeeded in - running :) have you considered seeing a nutritionist? maybe that will help you with the energy you need to fuel your love for running and training. if it is written out in advance for you, then you will not need to think about it - kind of like a training schedule.
hang in there - it will all come together :)
Posted by: bridget at February 5, 2006 8:38 PM
Sorry, I think another way!
Posted by: boijto at June 16, 2007 4:50 AM
Sorry, I think another way!
Posted by: boijto at June 16, 2007 4:50 AM