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January 14, 2006
DAY ONE!
So, it's no big secret that my training has been fairly inconsistent. A run here or there and god only knows how far, but there is one thing for sure- nothing even remotely fast has been happening here! sometimes, i run a lot- a double of 17 or so- sometimes i don't run for a day or two. i have really been letting my body and mind rest and do whatever i feel like. well, it seems like the vacation is over and im ready to train again:)
i went to a 'race" and ran in it today. it was hardly what i would call a race since my stride never opened (according to my dad) and i never really ran hard. it has been sooooooo long since i have really raced that i realize it may take a while to regain the feeling of actual racing. i ran something close to 7 minute pace- give or take a few seconds- for 4 and a half miles. terrible, terrible time, but im not upset in the least. i expected just about what i got! the course was a bit hillier than i expected (or hoped for at this point- although hills stretch out my poor, poor hams which need more stretching- and will get it!) and it was a wet, wet day. but, no complaining. it's jan 14th and NO SNOW is heaven. i feel badly for those skiers- actually, im lying. i don't feel badly at all!!!! they had snow last winter. it's the runners turn this year. snow every other year seeems fair to me. i;ll probably eat my words, but for now, it has been a great winter with very little snow.
the one thing that i was really happy about was that i was at the race. the past few months have been tough emotionally, to deal with stuff that has been eating at you for years is draining, and so it was great to make it to the race. i asked my parents to come with me and it was very funny when the race director asked if i had anyone coming with me (i emailed him for directions). i told him i was the only one running, but my parents were coming:) it may seem strange to hear a 35 yr old ask her parents come to a race, but they are my biggest supporters, love me unconditionally and are just great to me. i remember an old coach saying to me- you do know that your biggest fan is your dad. anyway, it was great to have them there, at the beginning of what i hope is a gradually terrific year.
i am on meds that KILL my appetite. i just don't want to eat and so, since i have been running here and there, i don't worry about eating much. ive lost a lot of weight and so have also lost some strength. i knew that coming into the race, so i took that into account as well. if i am going to train daily, which i will starting today (today was day 1), i need to pay better attention to getting some food in my body before 3pm when i force something little down my throat. so, nutrition is going to be big in regards to my improvement (or not) because it is just sooooooo lacking that it has to get better:)
the other biggie is consistency and running harder. i guess, according to the schedule i received, i am not doubling but just running singles- which doesnt hurt my feelings. i can swim in the afternoons if i want, lift a little and just relax and try and take some of the stress of the past few months of realizing that i can make myself happy after 20 years of wondering. so, no "big" mileage, which will seem like im on vacation- whenever i am really training, i always have run 80 a week, at least. honestly, i have always wondered what it would be like to run a marathon on less and so here's my chance!!!!! im just focusing on getting out there every day and having fun. oh, did i mention that about today? it was just plain fun. i realized that, while i was running slow as a freakin turtle, i was enjoying myself- in spite of the pace and the rain and cold. so, that is a good, good thing and something i haven't been able to say for a long time. the other cool thing was talking to this 84 year old man at the race. he started running in 1973, i think he told me, and i was running all the weekend races back in the early 80s and got to know him a bit then. he's an amazing guy- runs marathons all the time and races and runs all the time. he was the oldest runner at the boston marathon this past year. one of my favorite stories is being at the track with my dad, waiting to help with something. this was way back in 1984 and this man was running around the track, slowly. and, he was a decent runner for his age at the time. my dad and i looked at each other and both wondered aloud what was wrong with him. well, the next day we found out that he had run a 50 mile race the day before we had seen him!!!!
so, it was a good day. yesterday was a bit of a weird day. i told one of the "group" members that i thought it was better to only have contact at the group and he was okay with it at first. then, i got an angry call a few hours later. im sort of nervous and am going to have my dad take me to my next group- and pick me up- just because im a little scared of him. he is an older man and i thought it was harmless when he asked for my number. t hen, the calls started and i got stressed and it wasn't healthy for me to have my back tighten each day as he called. i feel guilty because it doesn't appear he has a lot of people in his life and i can take the time to talk to him, but it almost feels like he thought it was more than that or something from his angry call. again, it's a reminder of a few things- the first is that i trust people quickly. i am not going to change that about myself in regular life, but maybe i will in regards to "groups". i am there to get support and get well not make friends. i have friends (even though i am typing this at 8pm on a sat night, i swear i have friends:) ) it makes me grateful for my family and friends and how much support they have given me and i am a very lucky person. many people in these groups do not have the support. it's a good reminder to be thankful for what i have and not focus on those things in myself that i don't have. in other words, focusing on the positives.
so, on that note, im crashing on the couch to watch law and order. im trying to decide whether or not i am going to a group run at 8am tomorrow morning. there is supposed to be a little snow and i am not a morning person and got up early this morning, so maybe next week? oh, did i mention that the guy who won the race was hot? :)
Posted by lilly at January 14, 2006 07:38 PM