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January 18, 2006
Day 4- late
i didn't get a chance to write yesterday, so here goes with yesterday. I woke up and had coffee with yummy creamer and a biscuit with an egg. I waited until the last possible moment and then went for a run. I didn't feel that great, but i got another day under my belt. i am hoping to feel better by the end of the week or even two. everything in my life seems to point to the same thing- PATIENCE. it is really great for me to relearn this lesson and im not really upset about any of it. between my running and recovery and just everything in between, it's all about the patience with myself thing. i know that it is very reasonable for me to think that i can run 24659 in may at vermont city, but if i thougt about it every run and how im feeling RIGHT now, i would never run again:) so, instead, i am looking at it like it's a process that i will complete with positive results. i just have to put one foot in front of the other. there is a younger, older man (about 60) who died from a fall a few days ago, otherwise completely healthy, who was quoted in the paper as giving the advice to someone who wanted to run a marathon and wasn't sure how to , he said, "just put one foot in front of the other and keep doing that until you're done!" i thought that was so great! and, i have been using that even before i read it in what i consider, in my mind only, a "comeback" of sorts. i know no one else cares (yet- until i kick their butts:) ) , but i want to run well this year and know i have a lot of miles and positive thoughts to keep things rolling in a good way. oh, in my ramble, i forgot to say that i ran between 9-10 miles on my Cushman Loop. it was fun to run it because i used to run it when i was a kid with my dad. i ran easily and felt so/so. my hamstring was a little tight towards the end, but im hoping that with some consistent training and stretching that my tightness will lessen. we'll see!
i was rushing off for a coaching interview and so didnt stretch until i got home. and, then i stretched like CRAZY! the interview went well and im pretty sure that i have the job since the head coach called me and asked me to apply, but you never know! it's middle school and while i really enjoy and while i enjoy that age a great deal, i would also like to move back into high school coaching. i am looking at something for the spring and that could hurt my chances to get this job if they think the other person is willing to do the spring as well. whatever.... things will work out. don't get me wrong... i would love to get this coaching job, but i am hopeful that something good will come along regardless. plus, i have my dog sitting/cat sitting jobs to keep me busy for most of february!! i am so busy that i am actually going to be making up business cards- someone asked me for one, so i figured i should have a few. i also really need to put up some flyers around town. but, first, i need to come up with a name for my "business".
i returned home and took a nap before eating some dinner. then, i met a friend for coffee and was in bed by 10, after a super CSI! im a sucker for any law and order or csi show.
i forgot to say that the dealing with the guy in the group thing went much better than i could have imagined. i had my mom and dad bring me to the meeting. i also had my dad walk me into the room, where it was the moderator (actually two of them) and the guy who was calling me. i introduced my dad to one of the moderators, he's a great guy- much older but in super shape and just a sweet, sweet person- and he invited my dad to the meeting. i asked him if we could talk to him outside, in the hall, privately. im sure the guy who had been calling me knew exactly what i wanted to talk to him about. so, the moderator said- sure. when we got in the hall, i explained what had happened, that i had given my number to this guy- he had asked- innocently, thinking that it would be for support, not a daily- or more- call and social expectations. i explained that i had left a message explaining that it wasn't good for me to have contact with people outside the group for now because i tend to take on other people's problems and i really need to get myself well. i told him about the angry call and the one before and after that which werent mean but still outside the boundary that i had set. i had asked him to not have contact with me outside the group. this is an older man, but he is BIG. and, the thing that still rings in my head is how there is a woman in the group who was raped a month and a half ago giving someone a ride home. so, while i am not stretching this to being raped, i am scared. the group moderator said he was glad that i confronted the guy instead of just not coming back to the group- because that is what some people do- and that if he bothered me again to let him know because he would move him to another group. he was also sweet enough to say that he didnt want to lose me in the group. io told him not to worry- i wasn't going anywhere:) i asked him about the guy and if he was "safe" and he said he didn't know, didn't know what the "deal" of most people who come in. so, when the group started, there were new people (oh, and my dad left- he was just dropping me off and picking me up for safety- i was scared!) and the moderator explained what the group was about and then went on the explain that sometimes people were asked to leave the group! i was surprised because i had never heard him explain this before and think he was trying to give this guy the message to leave me alone (i had asked him not to say anything directly to him, afraid it could make it worse) soooo, at the end of the group, when i was talking to someone who was new and wanted to ask some questions about the program i went through in nov-dec. when i was finished, the "guy" came up to me, i didn't know my dad was watching through the window in the door, and said that he was sorry, that he wasn't sensitive to what i was trying to say to him. i thanked him for apologizing and felt much, much better. im still a LITTLE scared, but at least he really knows that im going to address stuff and not push it under the carpet. the thing is that, while i have weaknesses, one of them is not being a mean person. and, the message i left was that i felt badly about having to cut contact outside the group and was really sorry. i do feel badly. i feel really, really fortunate to have a great support network and feel sad that some people do not. but, as i am always reminded by that support network, i cannot "save" everyone or the world. especially for now, i need to focus on making myself well and once i am strong, strong, strong, then i can share and help others more intimately. but, anyway, it seems that this little blip in the road ended well :)
ok, enough rambling. i need to get moving to the road. it's yucky out, but i need to get out regardless.
Posted by lilly at January 18, 2006 08:51 AM