July 4, 2011
and I am still in a funk
I finished the 10k training, ran the goal race (worst 10k time in 8 years or so), took a few weeks down, continued feeling like shit. Started taking iron supplements, continued feeling like shit (or not, as you would know had you ever taken iron supplements). Had some bloodwork done, learned that my iron was ok but my D and B12 were not, started supplementing that, started feeling better almost immediately. Also took my coach's advice and started running mostly by time. The last several weeks have been very low volume (5:30 - 6:30 and no earthly idea what distance that represents) and with only a few short workouts, and even the workouts were guesses, going by "effort" instead of a number on a watch representing pace. Even as I began to feel better in general, I developed some specific stuff - sore foot, sore leg, ITBS - but those have gradually faded and I feel generally better than I have in a long while.
So the body has started recovering, but the head has not. I ditched another 5k this morning. It didn't take much. My husband had mentioned (to my utter surprise) that he planned to go to the race with me, just for company. Last night neither of us slept well and this morning he said he wanted to stay home. That's all it took. I hadn't registered for the race; I didn't want to go and test myself in front of people; my husband (who has not come to a local race with me in like 7 years) decided not to go, so that's it, I don't wanna go either.
The truth is that I was afraid I would not be able to race 5k even at that abysmal 10k pace of a month ago. And why would that matter, you (I) ask? In any race, you run what you run; you run what you're capable of on that day. But I just did not want to face the fact that I might not be able to run under 7min pace for 5k. I didn't want to struggle publicly and fail so miserably.
So I did a workout, my usual atonement for ditching a race. 3x[lap-of-my-block (.68mi), 1/2-lap jog], then 1mile/half-mile/quarter-mile at just under MP, equal-time recovery. The rep times indicate that I probably could have raced 5k well under that horrid 10k pace, if I'd only had the guts to try.
Ach, I suck.