October 31, 2010
if you don't blog it, you never really thought it
This morning marked the start of the Fabulous Florida Fall Racing Season with a half-marathon at Ft DeSoto Park. Ft DeSoto is an island off the southern end of St Petersburg, and the half-marathon course goes out to the eastern end of the island, from which you can get a panoramic view of the Sunshine Skyway bridge, the one my friend jumped from in 2006. Since that horrible day I have raced out there twice, and each time I hit the turnaround where the bridge comes into view, I have made sure to give a middle finger and a big fuck you. To the bridge.
I'm on call this week, so I skipped the race and just ran 15 close to home. As I ran down an empty street I somehow caught a noseful of Head & Shoulders + Irish Spring, the combination my friend used to use when we started dating a million years ago. And then I realized today is Halloween, his favorite holiday, though I didn't know that when we started dating, and maybe it didn't start being his favorite holiday until several relationships after ours. And then I wondered what if I hadn't been on call today, and had raced that half marathon, would this have been the time (of day) when I hit the turnaround and gave the middle finger and fuck you to the bridge? But I don't believe in the crazy coincidences that implies. This is nothing supernatural. There is no ghost coming back to stand in the middle of the road as I run past. This is just an example of how things can keep breaking your heart long, long after the fact. Nothing to do but put on my best Kale Ingram and be ready to answer that on-call phone.