May 5, 2010
just popped in for a little positive,um
yeah, I've been bad. Working, running, trying (and failing) to play viola well enough not to suck in a community strings orchestra, working, running. Not blogging. Oh well, I'm back to bitch and moan a little.
I will start by moaning and bitching about work: I've been on call the past 6 days, and it's been awful. All-nighters, not for anything really broken but for stupid stuff that our "Se*rv*c* F*rst" mentality dictates that I smile and take care of, even if it takes all night, which it did. And when an all-nighter ends with me getting dinged for some bureaucratic oversight, well, it makes me very depressed. And tired; I don't do all-nighters as well as I used to when I was younger. Why did I go back to this job again? Oh, yeah, the money. I wasn't making any before.
And my running has suffered, and my attitude right along with it. Cleveland Marathon is next week and I guess I'm ready as I can be but I don't know how ready that is. I've done very little speedwork (faster than about HM pace, that is) and my mileage has only averaged in the low 70s, if that. I've hardly raced: a 10k, a 5k, a half, a 10k tri relay (doesn't count) and I'm planning a 5k this coming Sunday. Of these, 2 were encouraging and the others were, well...My coach is saying nice things like "you're almost just about where I had hoped you'd be by this point, and anyway you're healthy, so there's that" which sounds (to my depressed ears) like a pat on the head and sunshine being blown up my backside. This week, ostensibly the first week of taper, has been pre-empted by fatigue brought on by aforementioned all-nighters. This morning I tried to do a 5x1000m workout, managed the first 2 reps, then came home and puked, then cried, and that was the end of that. Does not bode well.
Bleh. I want a social life, a friend, a training partner, a good set of legs, a great sense of how to play the viola, a quicker head for database work, a better attitude. I want not to feel so alone so much of the time. I want not to be a whiny baby. I want not to fail.
Posted by joe positive at May 5, 2010 9:57 PM
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Well, that's sort of positive. It's positive that you're blogging. Run as well as your body allows at Cleveland and you won't have failed.
Nothing you can do about the all-nighters and short sessions. Just get as much rest as possible next week, and then go for it!
Posted by: Ewen at May 7, 2010 7:19 AM
This sounds all too similar to my situation before my last marathon. (Except the viola, I'm tone deaf so I have no hope there.) I pulled all nighters for work, wondering why I work this job that sometimes makes me miserable and I'm no good at (thanks for the reminder, oh yeah, the money). There was additional personal stress that nobody else cares about. My races were blah, getting beat down by runners that I know should be finishing behind me and then having to listen to them encourage me. Just shut up already; I know I'm sucking wind right now and your telling me how fast I am and how far I've come doesn't change that. Instead of 80 mile weeks, I was doing 60 mile weeks. Interval workouts were slow and were making me puke. None made me cry, but that's only because I'm not a girl. I don't think I did more than 5 miles at MP even once.
So then I just tapered and rested and suddenly started feeling better (subjectively) for no apparent reason. Then my attitude improved and I ended up having a good race. Maybe that'll happen for you, too. Good luck to you. You're probably more ready than you think. I'm cheering for you from afar.
Posted by: Eric at May 7, 2010 2:20 PM