October 6, 2008
shoot me now
So last night I took Mindi's advice and had a drink. A small one. And another, and another. By "small drink" I mean a single ice cube in a glass, then pour bourbon up to the top of the cube. I slept pretty well and dreamed I visited an orthopedist to check on the stress fracture, and I started telling him about some mouth pain when I realized he was not my dentist, though he looked a little like my dentist. He was very polite and didn't say "you idiot, it's not my job to worry about your mouth" although he would have been well within his rights to do so. Then I realized that the UV light he was using to examine my leg (?) also revealed some embarrassing razor stubble.
Despite yesterday's 15-minute walk, the night pain did not return. But the minute my dog came into the room to wake me up, there it was. And it's still here a few hours later. Just a little, just an annoyance, but it's still there. And it paralyzes me: I should ride; in fact, since I don't work today, I should ride long. But where? At the Y? On my bike outside? But my leg is sore, so maybe I shouldn't ride at all; maybe I should just sit here with ice on it. Maybe it will feel better tomorrow. But what can I do today? A little riding won't hurt. Oh, yes it will. One day completely off won't hurt. Oh, yes it will. Sitting around won't help anything. Well, maybe it will. But it won't do a damn thing for my mood. I need to feel like I am doing something, that I'm in control, that I'm working toward something. This is one of the few uncluttered days I have this week, so I really ought to make good use of it, yes? But my leg is sore. Fuck.
Posted by joe positive at October 6, 2008 8:33 AM
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