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October 21, 2008
paralysis
Ever since I was a child, I've had times where I felt that something big, soft, and heavy was pinning me down and forcing me to take only slow, shallow breaths. I have never been able to identify the big soft heavy Something but it's like plastic wrap, only with some shape to it, and heavy. When I was young, this sensation would often wake me from fever dreams. A rare occurrence, this evening: something's wrong; something is not right. I lie in bed trying to sleep, not sleeping. There's so much that has suddenly gone wrong, or revealed itself as having been wrong all this time, so much that needs fixing or some kind of action that I want to do something, punch the bed or scream or something, but I won't even tense my muscles to throw the first punch, because I may never be able to let go. And the big soft heavy thing makes me lie still and take only slow, shallow breaths.
Posted by joe positive at October 21, 2008 12:31 AM
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