July 4, 2007
it is getting to be that time
Yes, another one of those posts...It's been almost a year since my friend killed himself, in fact it is two weeks less than a year, and yes, I'm counting. I find myself thinking and dreaming about it more lately, maybe because I have more free time. Anyway, I can't say I have gotten over it. I see other people coping in different ways that work for them but none of those seem like options for me. I don't want to leave comments (to him or about him) on the tribute myspace page; I can't say that his ghost or what-have-you is walking around my house leaving things out for me to trip over, because that isn't happening, at least not in my house; my dogs aren't staring at the old photo of him and me and our drummer; I can't even bring myself to talk about it with any of the other people he was very close to, because I don't want to upset them or myself. The healthy folks' coping mechanisms seem to have the effect of making it all more dramatic and hence less real, but it's so real, and big, and huge, to me that it's like walking around with a giant hole in the belly like Tony Soprano had when he got shot. How can you make that be less real? I couldn't begin to guess.
Posted by joe positive at July 4, 2007 10:08 AM
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