July 31, 2007
trying to get caught up
ok, I'm running out of excuses. School's done. I took my national boards yesterday (and passed). The Tour de France is over. I am only working one part-time IT job, looking for another (massage) job, playing in 2 bands, attending 2 xc practices a week as a helper-person, training for Twin Cities, and trying to keep the house from being taken over by dog hair. It's about damn time I started blogging regularly again.
Maybe tomorrow. For now I'll just say quickly that training's been going well but I'm starting to feel tired and sloggy. I am still able to do workouts but the non-workout days are getting slower and slower. Maybe now that I'm done studying for boards I'll be able to rest more and recover. But from now on, TCM no longer means Traditional Chinese Medicine but Twin Cities Marathon, and I'm pretty thrilled about that.
July 18, 2007
how'd you like to meet the donkey
Yesterday I finally ran a medium-long run the way it ought to be run - warmup, faster, faster still, then hold-til-the end. It was at the short end of medium-long (12 miles), but felt good and maintainable. The only annoyance was being dripping, soaking wet after 9 miles.
My husband delivers mail out in the country, and last year he noticed that someone on his route keeps a donkey. I love donkeys, even though I know very little about them. Yesterday afternoon we had to drive to his post office, so we stopped at the donkey's field. The donkey took one look at me, moseyed over to the fence and started braying. After 30 seconds or so she stopped honking and wanted to sniff me. I didn't want to get my hand too close to her mouth (I've heard donkeys are very crafty about biting), but she did let me pet her on the back. What a great day! Good thing her owners weren't around to see these crazy city people playing with the donkey.
The rest of the day passed uneventfully. We hemmed and hawed and in the end decided to avoid the nonstop singing and dancing at the memorial show. I don't want or need anyone else's drama, or more of my own. Instead we met a friend at a nearly-empty bar, had a couple of drinks, and talked most of the night. Much better. Perfect.
This morning: 6 miles slow slow slow, a little hungover. Track this afternoon.
July 15, 2007
in the interest of fair reporting
A partial retraction/correction: I don't think the newspaper actually ran the awful photo of my friend looking awful. I saw a flyer for the memorial show that featured both the photo and the newspaper story, and I assumed the paper ran the photo. Looking back at the online version of the paper (no, I can't stop thinking about this yet) I don't see the photo. But the true rockstar manner is there.
July 14, 2007
true rockstar manner
the running week:
Su: 18 solo, slow (8:33)
M: AM 6.5mi slow, PM 4mi not as slow
T: AM 7mi incl 6x600 on the road (actually .38mi) avg 2:15, PM 4mi slow with the xc girls
W: AM 8mi slow, PM 5mi not as slow
R: AM 9mi brisk w/friends, PM 3.84 w/xc girls incl 6x40s hard up a small hill
F: 10.25 slow-to-med w/friends
Sa: 6.5 puttering around steaming about the thing I'm going to write about shortly
total = 82 or so
Something's been going incredibly right with my training lately and I feel good! like I want to run workouts and 5Ks and stuff, and maybe even PR, ha. Since there are no 5Ks around here for at least a month I'm sure I won't get to test this out before it passes, but it's pretty neat.
There's no good way to segue into this. Yesterday's newspaper mentioned an upcoming memorial show for my dead friend. They ran a photo of him looking world-weary and dissipated, but worst of all was the expository blurb: "...left the world a year ago in true rockstar manner by jumping from the...Skyway Bridge." What the fuck? This wasn't a blog or wiki or zine or "alternative weekly." This was a legit, daily newspaper and I can't believe the music writer wrote that, and I can't believe they let that run. I am not one of those people who write to newspaper editorial staff, but I did write to this one and tried to let her know, as unemotionally as possible, how tasteless it sounded, that "true rockstar manner." She replied that she was trying to buffer pain with humor, and she mentioned an even more tasteless comment she could have included, but decided to cut. ("At least Hitler didn't kill all the Jews," my husband commented). She did apologize if the comment seemed insensitive and if she crossed a line. If, if, if. I'm sorry if you took it the wrong way. I'm sorry you didn't get what I meant. If. I wasn't [bad thing here], I was merely [self-serving thing here]. Anyway, I am waiting not-so-patiently to be able to quit thinking about this with quite so much intensity.
July 7, 2007
nothing not contrived
Last night at band practice, a friend brought up an interesting point. Let's see if I can do this justice:
We are living in a time where almost everything that's happened during the past 60-odd years has been recorded in some way. There are books and movies and tv shows and music and photos and blogs and other interweb devices. These show us not only what has happened historically to big groups of people but what happens emotionally to individual people. What's it like to fall in love, to disagree with your parents, to start a career, to end one, to be sick, to die, to watch your friends die, to have children, to decide to drop out of society, to decide to drop back in - of course this has happened millions of times to millions of people, but we've all seen it now on tv or in movies or books, or we've heard songs about it. So the point my friend was trying to make (I think) is that almost no action or decision we take is uncontrived. We might do or think or feel something relatively original, but probably never absolutely original.
Nahh, didn't really do it justice, but, well, meh, whatever. How many catchphrases did you count in that last sentence?
Personally, I think that science (including technology) is the last bastion of originality, since there are certainly non-human phenomena that haven't been discovered yet and have yet to be photographed, written about, recorded or youtubed.
Anyway, it's Live Earth Day, or Let's Spend A Lot Of Resources Raising Awareness About Small Carbon Footprints Day, or whatever it's called. It's also the first day of the Tour de France, which is a wonderful thing in this house. Whichever Day you celebrate, I wish you a small carbon footprint, and thoughts you can call your own.
July 4, 2007
it is getting to be that time
Yes, another one of those posts...It's been almost a year since my friend killed himself, in fact it is two weeks less than a year, and yes, I'm counting. I find myself thinking and dreaming about it more lately, maybe because I have more free time. Anyway, I can't say I have gotten over it. I see other people coping in different ways that work for them but none of those seem like options for me. I don't want to leave comments (to him or about him) on the tribute myspace page; I can't say that his ghost or what-have-you is walking around my house leaving things out for me to trip over, because that isn't happening, at least not in my house; my dogs aren't staring at the old photo of him and me and our drummer; I can't even bring myself to talk about it with any of the other people he was very close to, because I don't want to upset them or myself. The healthy folks' coping mechanisms seem to have the effect of making it all more dramatic and hence less real, but it's so real, and big, and huge, to me that it's like walking around with a giant hole in the belly like Tony Soprano had when he got shot. How can you make that be less real? I couldn't begin to guess.