« a little late, a little short | Main | neither/nor »
July 19, 2006
I can't understand
On Monday our best friend killed himself by jumping off a big bridge into the bay. He'd had problems with depression for years, and was kind of depressed when I exchanged emails with him late last week, but he mentioned some plans for the future so his death came as a complete shock.
What's almost as staggering: how loved he was, and is, and by so many. Yesterday I kept thinking of this or that other person that needed to be told. We went last night to his favorite bar and joined all the other stunned-looking people, talking, hugging each other, crying, losing and then regaining control as sadists played our friend's songs on the jukebox. This morning both newspapers carried the story and I heard that one of them ran a photo. There's a memorial website up already, and memorial myspace bulletins are propagating quickly. There's going to be a memorial show/service next week. And this is not a small town! And you know what? That's all just great, just wonderful, that so many people cared, but it just underlines the fact that his suicide was a stupid fucking waste. Stupid, stupid fucking waste. When you are so cared-for and well-loved that a medium-sized city is practically ready to throw a parade in your memory, you have no right to think you have nothing to live for. Stupid, stupid, stupid. How could you?
Posted by joe positive at July 19, 2006 2:07 PM
Comments
Sorry for your loss. It's always a waste...even if you don't have a large crowd of friends and admirers as your friend did. As you learn with age, you can ALWAYS turn things around, and often very quickly at that. There is always a reason to live.
Posted by: Jennifer at July 19, 2006 5:46 PM
I'm terribly sorry to read this. Indeed a waste, always a waste.
Posted by: duncan at July 19, 2006 7:15 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about your terrible and tragic loss, and I guess it explains your last post (which seems to be gone now) a bit as well.
Too bad we can't have these big appreciation celebrations for people while they're alive, because I'm sure there are more than a few people in the world who could stand to know that they are more loved more than they will ever fathom.
Posted by: Alison at July 19, 2006 10:31 PM
Oh god, this is just terrible, I'm so sorry. Losing someone that is close to you in this way has got to be a big hit. I feel for you, and I'm thinking of you.
Posted by: Meghan at July 19, 2006 10:51 PM
I'm sorry for your loss
Posted by: Dawb at July 19, 2006 11:33 PM
How sad. I am sorry that you lost a friend.
Posted by: Tim at July 23, 2006 5:14 PM