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April 25, 2005
The Saga Continues
Part 3: A Decision Abandoned
After all that, I didn’t run the race yesterday. I couldn’t fall asleep Saturday night, and at about 2 am I decided it just wasn’t important enough to me race on three hours of sleep. So I turned off my alarm and turned off the timer on my coffee pot—and of course, as soon as I’d made the decision, I fell right to sleep. I actually woke up on my own at the same time my alarm would have gone off, and I got out of bed and stood in my kitchen staring at my coffeepot, debating whether or not I should turn it on and suck it up and run the race. I actually did turn it on, walk back into my room, and then changed my mind again and ran back into my kitchen to turn it off. Sheesh. Who knew that a coffeepot could be so pregnant with symbolism?
I’m pretty disappointed because I was really looking forward to racing, but I was looking forward to racing well, which I most definitely would not have done. For a while this morning I was also feeling weird and guilty, which was silly—what could there be to feel guilty about? I don’t have anyone to answer to but myself, I didn’t let down anyone but myself, and if I didn’t want to race then I didn’t have to race. At least that’s what I kept telling myself all through my run later that morning. By the time I got home I believed it.
It helped that I had an excellent run. Before I started I thought I’d run about 10, since that was the race distance. By the time I was out the door I’d upped it to 12 to make it a little more of an effort, and then halfway through I changed it to 14, which is what I’d have run if I’d gone to SLR the day before. It had been a while since I’d gone more than 10 by myself, and I’m glad I had the chance to have a long, solitary, focused run. It’s great to have company, but sometimes you need to be alone, for both training and personal reasons. It forces you to concentrate, to keep up the pace without anyone there to help you, which is invaluable for the lonely parts of the race. Plus I’ve been so stressed out lately, and it helped me to clear my head. (Of course that effect dissipated the second I stepped into my office this morning, but oh well.)
Of course I wouldn’t have enjoyed being alone so much if I hadn’t been feeling good. My first and last few miles were on a marked bike path, so I could check my pace. On the way out, I was running 8s exactly. But as I got warmed up I picked it up a lot, and on my way home I was running 7:20s, and they didn’t feel any harder than the 8s had in the beginning (and that’s after very hilly middle miles). I’ve been making a concerted effort lately to start my runs a little slower and finish them faster, and it’s paying off—I’ve run negative splits almost every run over the last few weeks, even on my easy days.
Easy days…I need to be better about those. The last few times I’ve headed out the door for a purposefully easy run I’ve been running harder than I plan to. Which feels great, but won’t feel great if that’s what I continue to do. This morning was supposed to be easy, but I picked a hilly route--which would have been fine if I hadn’t hammered all the hills. Now my calves are extremely tight and sore—this is the sorest I think they’ve ever been. I’ve had severe hamstring pain, but never calves. It’s unlikely that I managed to pull both calves at the same time, so I think it’s just the hills. I’ve been icing and stretching all day, and keeping my fingers crossed that I’m better by track on Wednesday.
Posted by jessie at April 25, 2005 01:18 PM