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June 27, 2005

Nag Power!

Three friends in four days told me I needed to get off my butt and blog. So I'll give it a shot.

Posting on the internet my hopes, dreams, fears, frustrations, and personal observations about Our Fine Sport never posed any serious dilemma for me, although it did take a little getting used to at first. I really enjoyed it. And I can't wait to do it again. The problem lately, however, is that I'm going through a phase ... and it's the first time since I started this running thing eight years ago ... where I just don't know what to do with my running. It's the Rest of Life that has my near-complete attention right now, and I'm just not as comfortable putting that stuff out there for all the world. But maybe blogging about running (and even some of the other stuff) can become something I look forward to each day again, even if the posts (like the running) don't really have a set direction.

The end of the session was especially brutal this year. We're talking a morale-killing, spirit-crushing week that left me dazed, confused, demoralized, and nearly-beaten. It's going to take a while to recuperate. So the day after the session ended I felt like I was emerging from a bad dream, suddenly 34 years old and in a job that I suddenly doubted I was well-suited for, even though I enjoy it for the most part. It was a huge "what the hell do I do now?" Fortunately I didn't have too long to sit around feeling sorry for myself before the governor called a special 30-day session (started last week) to address the issue of school finance, which they've been unable to successfully address for two regular sessions and one special session last year (after three special sessions on redistricting.) It hasn't directly affected me too much, but it has prevented all of us from moving into the interim take-your-comp-time-as-you-please mode, which we all seriously need. More morale-killing. Remember my ideal world? Well it's going to have to wait another three weeks or so.

I have been making regular loops around Town Lake. Lately it's been 4 miles three times a week and then 7 or so on the weekends. 19 miles! But I do try to make sure I get some strides in there several times a week. One aspect of a more aggressive running schedule that I've been avoiding - and that has served as a deterrent to really getting back out there - is having to pack my whole day out the door by 6:00am and showering at work and then unloading it all at the end of the day just to pack it all back up again. I know ... wah. But *maybe* when we have more flexibility with our arrival time at work I'll be able to accommodate a longer run *and* a shower and breakfast at home afterward.

Oh gawd what a depressing return entry! [edited to remove something funny but possibly inappropriate ... see what I mean? sticking to running is always easier!]

(Thanks to Paul and Joe and Heather for making me do it!)

Posted by jenandmats at June 27, 2005 7:58 PM

Comments

Welcome back! It's GREAT to hear from/about you, though I'm sorry that your absence hasn't been due to the fact that you've been off living in your ideal world.

I hope that low mileage or lack of interest in running will never stop you or anyone on here from writing blog entries. The fact that you are a runner at all is enough to make this a running blog.

Posted by: Alison at June 28, 2005 11:44 AM

Yeah - you're back! Great to hear from you...although, like Alison, sorry you've been away because life has been crazy!

I may know how you feel about the directionless running. Right after college I was seriously lost with running. I really didn't feel like doing it much but I didn't want to quit altogether. I ran 30 minutes/day for about 8 months...and then slowly but surely I figured things out and running made more sense and I set some new goals, etc... I'm sure it will come to you, whatever the answer may be! Good luck!

Posted by: Beth at June 28, 2005 3:11 PM

Glad to have been a nag for you!

Posted by: Heather at June 28, 2005 5:32 PM

I'm glad you guys are glad I'm back! It's always nice to know you're missed ...

Posted by: jenandmats at June 28, 2005 7:05 PM

So happy to hear from you. I know what you mean about lacking direction. I go through periods when I don't really know what I feel like doing. I just let them go by and eventually I find something that peaks my interest. Wish that you were living in your perfect world...

Blondie

Posted by: Blondie at June 28, 2005 7:46 PM

Hi!! Nice to hear from you!! Eeck you sound so busy!! Everyone deserves some free time for whatever they choose to do with it (running or otherwise). I hope you get some free time, and I think 19 miles is still impressive, especially given what you're going through. Feel better...

Posted by: Audrey at July 1, 2005 8:34 PM