So what is my deal, you ask.
Well, it's February. It's cold. I don't know, I guess I'm just a little bit in the doldrums lately. I just watched "Master and Commander" last weekend and the main character's ship gets stuck in that so-named part of the ocean where the winds die down and leave sailors adrift and stranded on the airless and muggy sea. I kind of feel that way, the way that they were portrayed in the movie, the difference being that they were warm.
I am running, and even just managed to hit 40 miles for the week, but it's a huge effort and not something that I look forward to at all each day. I imagine that I must be getting fitter, but I still suspect that I've declined a far piece from where I was in the fall. I've just kept keeping at it, assuming that one of these days the spark will come along to ignite my passion for the training again...most likely warmer weather paired with a surprisingly encouraging race result.
Another thing that's got me down about the running is some reorganization of my team. There are some new guidelines, which all seem reasonable, but I'm not really sure yet how they'll pertain to me and my training. One sad consequence has been the resignation of several very talented members of our women's open team and I will really miss their camaraderie and inspiration, though I'm sure I'll see them around now and then.
Other stuff going on these days tends to be depressing to write about, which it probably part of the reason I haven't been writing. I got a terse, two sentence rejection email from the company I've been interviewing for, which I thought had to be a mistake after having taken a two hour writing test and interviewing with five people. It just seemed unlikely that would be the way they'd tell me, but four days later no one has answered my email or voice mail asking about it, so I guess it's back to finding another job to apply for. That happened the same day that started with me tumbling head first down a flight of stairs to the subway in a fall that one witness described as "spectacular". I gave myself a good healthy bump on the head in the process, but it's the colorful bruises that are developing on my legs are a stark reminder that I'm very lucky not to have broken a bone.
The next running related event on the calendar now is a half marathon next Sunday. I didn't end up doing the other one I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. I won't be breaking any records, but I think it will be helpful just to see where I am fitness-wise.
In the end, I'll be fine though. One side-effect of working in the news, for me, has been a heightened sense of perspective. There are normal ups and downs in this world and the occasional drama to muddy the flow of life, but I'm constantly exposed to images of people who really are in life or death situations, who are faced with going on when they've lost everything and don't have a choice but to continue functioning under circumstances that are nothing less than devastating. I feel the weight of my own decisions and obligations, but whenever I find them to be overwhelming, I don't have to look far to be reminded of how fortunate I really am.