I hate being sick. I mean, I know, duh, who doesn't? But right now, I am really, really, really tired of it. I've been on super strength anti-Bees for nearly a week now and without question, I feel a google times better than I did last Tuesday, but who knew my little head was capable of producing this much mucous? And the cough. I am SO friggin' sick of this cough that will not go away.
It doesn't help that my work situation continues to deteriorate while my anxiously anticipated fourth-round job interview is taking its sweet time to materialize. I've made a point of keeping as positive an attitude as I possibly can, but...well...that was going to lead into some sort of negativism, so I'm just going to choose not to go there. I sometimes worry that it's my own attitude that's created the dark cloud around my workplace, but it's somewhat comforting to know that it isn't just me and lately, a lot of people I work with are feeling just as bewildered and pessimistic about the direction things are going in.
Still, despite my miserable state of being, I have started running again, and not as slow as I would have expected. I tire easily though and I'm sure my heart rate is way above where it ought to be. I'm finding it difficult to be patient and I'm finding it even harder to stay motivated. I don't think I was exactly leaping out of bed in the mornings during my higher mileage weeks this past summer, but I don't remember feeling so heavy and sluggish either. I'm hoping to just try and keep up a steady, manageable schedule and eventually plow through this ennui as I have in the past. But that doesn't make it any easier when the alarm goes off and it's still dark outside and I'd really rather roll over and go back to sleep.
What I should do is print out a couple of Zeke and Meghan's recent blog entries about the frigid temperatures that they are soldiering through or one of Kate's, where she talks about starting back with the running two weeks after a friggin' c-section and just read them when I wake up to shame myself out of bed and into the well-above-freezing climate of central park.
As for the competitive side of this running thing, the part that usually serves as a significant source of motivation for me, I have not run a single race since my marathon in October. (Disregarding the New Year's 4-miler which I did not race) The next event I had planned on competing in was the Manhattan Half, which is now less than a week away. Last year I ran it as a relaxed tempo, the goal being a comfortable negative split and I finished with an age group prize and a very respectable 1:33. I don't feel at all up to that right now, but I wonder if it I can at least run that distance at 8 pace. I think I'll wait and see if any of my friends want to do it and then maybe just run it for fun. Unless of course everybody else's feeling up for a faster race in which case maybe I'll just cheer.