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June 22, 2008
Disappointed
I will write more tomorrow, but the title of this entry pretty much sums up exactly how I feel about my race in Duluth. I knew as early as mile 11 that the day was not going to be there for me so the final 15 miles of the race were rather long and lonesome - something I am sure I will reflect upon tomorrow as I try to compose some kind of post-race analysis.
Right now I am mostly experiencing the post-race depression; to be frank, I feel a little lost and sad and down . . . but like all storms in life, this, too, shall pass, and when it does, there will be something bright awaiting on the horizon. The eternal optimist in me will come roaring back, but - for now - I need to sit with this feeling of disappointment and let it slowly crawl out of my mind, my heart, and my body. It will. In time.
I finished 13th in 2:57. My sisters cautiously called me after the race - their voices stuck in a kind of nomadic space: they wondered if I would be happy with a "sub 3" or if I would be disappointed in not dipping further south under that benchmark. I will confess that I was reduced to tears at the finish: my goal wasn't to run "just' a sub 3 . . . it was to see how close to cracking 2:50 I could come. I executed H.'s race plan perfectly. I took it out almost too conservatively for my liking. I was sure - at mile 9 - that I had this sucker. But it's the marathon and it swallowed me . . . it swallowed me good. I never hit a wall, but I felt terrible 70+ minutes into the course and it just never got any better.
Anyway, I have a lot to think about. I will be on a forced running vacation for the next few weeks. I went into this race a little banged up and then I kind of blew out my IT Band at mile 17. I don't know badly I injured it yet because all of my muscles are still on fire, but I imagine I will know in the next couple of days. It's time heal the old body, though. There is little doubt in my mind that the IT Band is related to the glutes, which are related to the back, which is related to the SI Joint . . . it's time to finally take a break and heal. Hopefully I will find some interesting cross-training stories to share :)
Posted by bridget at 9:41 PM | Comments (9)
June 18, 2008
Packing the Car
It's been a very very very very very very very long 11 days, but I am going to Duluth.
I got into the doctor last Thursday and I received amazingly good news and some so-so news, but nothing earth-shattering or career ending :) The good news is that this back injury is not related to my lumbar spinal problems, and that it responds really well to my home remedy (see previous post!).
The doctor diagnosed me with three specific ailments: acute lower back muscle strains/spams; SI Joint Dysfunction; and an out of alignment pelvis. The combination of these three things will result in a perpetual pain, but the pain is more annoying than alarming. I basically asked the doctor one question: if I race this marathon, is there any chance that it could result in permanent damage? He responded with a confident, immediate and firm "NO." That pretty much confirmed my decision that I am racing this monster.
Do I feel great? Heck no. But who feels good during a taper anyway? This back hurdle has been an unwelcome obstacle, but I refuse to write negative thoughts on the easel between my ears. I have done the work, the miles are banked. It's time to withdraw every ounce of strength that I have and approach the start upbeat, ready, and focused.
I guess I see this marathon in two ways. 1) As an opportunity to really try to negative split (I've already mastered the art of positive splitting!!!). I plan to roll it out so slowly the first 9 miles that all I really have to do is buckle down and race like hell for 16.2; I can figure out the full 26.2 this summer as I build toward Chicago. 2) I see this as a dress rehearsal for Chicago in the fall. This will be a learning experience . . . I'm learning a lot even as I write this!
I just need to focus, focus, focus. I cannot let the internal hum of my mind transform from a soft, rhythmic melody to a hard, out of sync jam. I'm disappointed that after months of 65-80 miles/week, I am 4-5 pounds heavier than I was last Fall. Maybe it's muscle, but it's not all muscle ;) I know that . . . as runners, we know our bodies pretty well. But, then, I need to replay the Palos half in my head. Those pounds certainly didn't slow me down . . . in fact, they sped me up 12 seconds/mile. So I need to quit letting every little annoying thought bring me down right now. That's what the taper can do and taking an 8 day running vacation hasn't exactly left me unshakably confident.
This taper has been like a freakin' mad demon that needs to be exorcised on Saturday!!!!
So I am packing up the car tomorrow and I am driving to Minnesota.
Posted by bridget at 9:45 AM | Comments (7)
June 10, 2008
Mental Breakdown (in a good way)
I broke down. I took Joe Positive's advice and I called Northwestern Hospital - they have a great reputation in sports medicine. At approximately 1:00 PM on Thursday, I will know whether or not the race is a go. In my gut, I have a very good feeling that I will be at the start in 11 days.
In the meantime, here is a look at my typical day:
1) wake up
2) take pain-killers
3) ice
4) walk for 60 minutes
5) ice
6) apply icy-hot patch - good for 8 hours!!
7) work, work, work to keep my mind occupied
8) walk some more
9) ice
10) hot shower
11) more pain-killers
12) apply Therma-Care heating pad
13) pray to running gods and goddesses
14) sleep (restlessly . . . my back regresses at night and progresses as the day goes on)
I manage to eat, too :) This is exactly how my days have crawled since Saturday afternoon. I am feeling much more optimistic because this somewhat obsessive-compulsive routine has resulted in a better back.
I feel better after walking, and I am tempted to throw in some light jogs tomorrow before I see the doctor on Thursday. That way I will be able to tell him honestly whether or not things hurt when I run. I know I definitely have some kind of muscle hiccup or spasm on the right side that is killing me. My primary hope is that this is NOT related to my spinal problems. If this is all muscular, then I will be good to go!
That said, I am prepared to do whatever the doctor says. I made a doctor's appointment because I know that I am too emotionally, mentally, and physically invested in this marathon to make a 110% rational decision. In my mind, I am running this damn thing. However, I have spent 28 years figuring out that it's not always wise to trust what my mind screams out in thunderous booms. Sometimes I need to step back, let other voices creep in, and then make an informed decision.
Plus, I still feel like I am scratching the surface, especially in terms of the marathon. This race has always been planned as a dress rehearsal for the big dance in October . . . this Fall marks the moment to rip a gigantic PR. So long as I keep that perspective fresh in my mind, I will be okay with whatever the doctor suggests. I am actually kind of surprised at how calm and at peace I feel about all of this. A few years ago, I would have been tossing some tantrums like a 2 year-old. It's amazing how we mature as athletes :)
Thank you all so so so so much for the comments!!!
If I do race, I can guarantee you that I will be the most rested athlete there ;)
Posted by bridget at 10:13 PM | Comments (6)
June 9, 2008
Marathon in Jeopardy - Trying Not to Panic
There are very few things in life that I absolutely HATE, but I absolutely HATE getting injured . . . especially when the injury results more from a freak incident than anything running/training related. Sometimes I would much prefer to at least get hurt running!
TWELVE days out from the race and I have no idea whether or not I will be at the start line. To say that this doesn't feel very good is like saying I have tummy ache. It's a gross understatement. How do I really feel? I feel mostly sad . . . and angry at myself. A few years ago (almost two, to be exact), I was sidelined with a back injury. I was convinced that I had a stress fracture, but several tests and doctor visits confirmed that I had Degenerative Disc Disease in my lumbar spine. Basically, I have an arthritic lower back and I have 2 bulging discs. When I found this out two years ago, I hung up the running shoes . . . and I was prepared to hang them up for good. I was only 26!!!
But then, like I usually do, I studied the disease and found out that it sounded a lot scarier than it was. If I was careful, I could resume running again, and 4 months later, I did. I built back up very slowly and I haven't felt a lick of pain since the diagnosis. However, I have known all along that my lower back is incredibly weak. I have had two years to focus on core training and strengthening, and you know what? I haven't done a gosh darn thing to strengthen it. Sure, I tried Pilates. Sure, I've done a few thousand sit-ups in 24 months. But I haven't done anything consistent. Maybe I had this coming to me :(
Anyway, I kicked off Saturday with the worst workout that I have had in this marathon training cycle. I couldn't hit any of the assigned paces and I couldn't mentally focus. It was also creeping into the 80s, the humidity was as a thick as Aunt Jemima syrup, and I was sweating more than I have sweat in the past few months . . . combined! Needless to say, I was in bad shape and I was sucking wind (and having flashbacks to Chicago 2007!).
When I finished the run (10 miles of tears and agony), I met up with Colleen and my 3 year-old niece, Rosie, for Chicago's annual Wondergirl Girls on the Run 5K. There were thousands of people at the race, and seeing a bunch of girls ages 7-14 wearing tiaras and celebrating the beauty of their bodies instead of tearing them down really boosted my mood. I am a big advocate of instilling positive self-esteem in young girls - I wish more young women (and us adult women) admired the strength of our bodies instead of nervously fidgeting over being a size 2 or a specific number on the scale. I'm pretty convinced that ALL women struggle with their body image on some kind of continuum.
Anyway, Rosie is only 3 so both Colleen and I knew that there was no way that she could possibly last for a 5K! So I decided that it would be fun to give her piggy-back rides, and to make it even more fun, she could steer me like a car! Truly, it was the most fun that I have had in a LONG time! But Colleen was worried. She knows my lower back is weak and she knows that I have a marathon in the works. She kept offering to take Rosie and she kept saying, "I don't want you to hurt your back." I insisted that I was 100% fine! And I felt fine . . . completely fine. But as soon as the race was over and I started to walk, I knew I was in serious trouble. My entire lower back crunched into a spasm and I almost immediately lost my full range of motion.
Obviously, I didn't run yesterday because I couldn't do anything active. I walked a little this morning and I am going to walk again tonight, but I am still very worried. If I cannot run for a week, I don't exactly feel comfortable with the idea of racing a marathon. I know all of the hard work is done, and I know that there is no workout that I can run in the next few days that will make me run a faster time in twelve days, but I at least need the psychological confirmation that I have maintained my fitness by running . . . even if its only easy running.
I am trying not to panic. In the grand scheme of things, this is NOT a big deal. My friend, Jamie, had to miss the Olympic Trials because of an injury. That is something to get upset about. As far as I know, the Grandma's marathon is run every 365 days, and if I cannot make it to the start of this race, I always have Chicago in the fall.
A part of me is still angry, though - I have to be honest and admit that to myself. I have been working extremely hard over the past few months and I want to reap the rewards of that hard work. I am itching to race and let my fitness carry me to a gigantic new PR. I know I am in sub 2:50 shape, and - damn it - I want to run! I've spent months getting up at 4:30AM to train. I've gradually built my miles from 50 to 60 to 70 to 80 to 85! I've stretched religiously. I've iced when I needed to. BUT I have not focused on core strength or staying as hydrated as I should have. Lessons learned. Lesson learned the very hard way.
No tears yet. I am taking this 24 hours at a time. Things have improved in the last 24 hours. My rule of thumb: If I can run after 5 days of rest, then I will pack the car and head to Duluth. If I am still in pain, then it's time to face it, rest and cross-train for a bit, and keep my eyes on Chicago in the fall.
Posted by bridget at 4:17 PM | Comments (11)
June 3, 2008
So Much Depends Upon . . .
. . . the final 18 days until I stand at the start of Grandma's Marathon in Duluth - heart pounding against my chest, legs suddenly growing weaker by the second - and the gun roars and I drop my heart on the road, duck my head, and RUN LIKE HELL! Oh wow . . . I am nervous.
But before I dissect my nerves, I want to thank everyone who reads this blog. I have received some of the most encouraging and inspiring words from all of you; I know this may sound really cheesy, but as a lover of language and a religious believer in the power of words, I hold your words dear and close to my heart. When I was struggling to finish my workout on Saturday, I reflected on this space and I knew that I couldn't leave it blank . . . I wanted to fill it with words that captured a successful workout, not words that reported another doomed interval session (and there have definitely been a few of those!). Anyway, I have been keeping this blog for 4 years and when I first embarked on this journey, I was just a 24 year-old kid trying to break 1:30 in the half! What a journey it has turned out to be.
Which brings me to H. In a recent email exchange, H. said something that sung into my ears like poetry. I am not a poet (though this title references one of my favorite poets: William Carlos Williams), but I have always appreciated poetry. One of my friends (a poet and a scientist) deconstructed poetry with this analogy: Science takes something complex and makes it simple, but poetry - POETRY - takes something seemingly simple and makes it complex. According to that kind of logic, running is incredibly poetic :)
H. deconstructed running in this way:
I was coached that every day has a training purpose (hard, easy, long, rest) and if you cannot achieve that daily purpose figure out why you can't, correct it and try it again. Actually, we weren't coached that as much as we were simply broken of our bad habits and quest for padding mileage. The easiest way to achieve it is by actually running hard, actually running easy, actually running long and actually resting. It sounds simple but it goes against the experiences of most runners that have been rewarded by doing more and more. This concept is about developing from one year to the next and the next, not just for a season or year.
That, in a nutshell, explains why H. has successfully coached me on 6 days/week, 6 single runs. We actually run hard, actually run easy, actually run long, and actually rest. Those 4 principles have been the magical ingredients and base over the past 18 months - not a magic mileage number or a specific pace for every run, but cyclically knitting together week after week of HARD, EASY, LONG, REST. Sounds simple, but I find the practice of it tough at times. I recently emailed H. begging him to let me run doubles. I'll get into that conversation some other time!
I do not want to bore anyone with a novel-esque post, so I'll briefly recap last week:
Monday: 0 (rest)
Tuesday: 11.5, including a 4.55 mile tempo run @ 6:03 pace. The pace is deceptive. We had 30 mph winds literally pushing us South down the lakefront path faster than we could turn our legs over.
Wednesday: 13.5 easy, first run ever with an ipod! It was quite relaxing.
Thursday: 11, including 5 x 1 mile @ 6:30 w/1:00 rest, 6:20 w/0:50 rest, 6:15 w/30 rest, 6:10 w/15 rest, 6:00. Our splits: 6:33, 6:20, 6:11, 6:06, 5:52
Friday: 8.5 very easy. I cut this run 1.5 miles short. I felt awful. And tired. And like a wimp. And I knew I had to get up again and run in 11 hours.
Saturday: 12.5, including 6 x 1.25 mile loop and 2 x 1 mile. This is the workout I failed to complete a few weeks ago, but I gutted it out and finished it with a smile (okay, I kid, I kid). All of my mile splits were between 6:03 - 6:13, 30 seconds rest in between everything. This was a confidence boosting workout.
Sunday: FINAL 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So far this week:
Monday: 0
Tuesday: 10 easy
Wednesday: 11 miles, including 5 varying the pace among 6:30, 6:15, 6:00. Ran the workout as assigned and came home in 30:47.
Let the countdown to Duluth begin!
The Red Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williamsso much depends
upona red wheel
barrowglazed with rain
waterbeside the white
chickens.
Posted by bridget at 6:31 PM | Comments (5)