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October 17, 2007
10 days later: post-marathon blues
It's been 10 days since the race and while the buzz surrounding the chaos has started to fizzle, the memory of what went down is as clear and vivid in my mind as crystal. I don't want to resort to any kind of "woe is me" rhetoric because I do not believe in dwelling on the past or allowing sadness to completely paralyze us and hand-cuff us to a dark place. But I have to admit that a part of me is just sad. I am sad for what happened on the course; I am sad for all of the runners; I am sad for all of the lost goals . . . goals completely evaporated by some of the worst conditions imaginable for a 26.2 adventure.
I think part of my sadness has something to do with crumbs. Yes: Crumbs. It's kind of like when we eat a delicious piece of carrot cake. Everything tastes heavenly - the perfectly whipped cream cheese frosting, the fluffy cake that melts in your mouth and sizzles on your tongue - but after all of that deliciousness, all that we have left are crumbs (talk about disappointment!). Although I realize this is a poor and somewhat illogical analogy, I feel like all that I have left now - after the most delectable training experience of my life - are crumbs. I grew accustomed to flying 100 miles per minute: pounding out 60-80 miles per week, rising at 4:30 am to kick off my day, chasing H. during countless saturday runs and "tempo tuesdays." I truly enjoyed every moment of training over the past 10 months - including the sore quads and stabbing pains!
And, suddenly, I am glued to the couch and drowning my sorrows in work, work, work. I am realizing now how much a running routine balances me. I have spent the past week subsisting on 2-4 hours of sleep, commenting furiously on student papers, obsessing over lesson plans . . . I desperately need a distraction . . . I desperately need to meet my old friend - running - again.
That said, I have tried to enjoy every day off since the race. I cannot even begin to explain the toll the conditions have taken on my body: I still feel robbed of all of my energy and bounce. I even had an embarrassing "brain cramp" in front of my students: I wrote a simple word on the board and then I stared at the word ("demand") and I could not pronounce it. To say that I have been slightly disoriented and "out of it" is quite an understatement. And aside from the fact that I have lost my ability to think and process information, I feel like complete sh*t. :(
I did run on Tuesday and I felt okay, but I could still feel the marathon roaring in my legs. It's amazing to think that just three weeks ago, I was ripping 6:15s like they were 8:15s and now . . . well, everything hurts.
I did not run today - I crashed and burned and fell asleep as soon as I finished teaching instead. As I type this now, I am mad at myself for not doing at least something! I hate this feeling of gluttony and laziness. Blah.
I am meeting H and friends in the morning . . . hopefully that will inject a ray of sunshine into my current stormy mood. I know that my race in Chicago was a true reflection of my training and toughness . . . but I think anytime we aim so high and miss our goal, it's hard to digest.
But alas, it is 11:00 PM and I should steal some sleep before the alarm sings at 4:30 AM.
Posted by bridget at October 17, 2007 10:40 PM
Comments
Bridget, I read your story of your experience in the Chicago Marathon and it's nothing short of inspiring. I can understand the post-race blues; it's almost like a wedding, in a way, the buildup and excitement towards the race day, and your expectations of what it will be like. Afterwards, it can be a letdown. I guess that's the cycle of things like this, and why it's so great that there's always other challenges out there.
Posted by: TJ HalfMarathons.Net at October 18, 2007 8:47 AM
I am also inspired by your Chicago experience and I think it's completely normal to be a little blue. Just like TJ before me said, even if the race went perfectly, you'd still probably feel sad--I was thinking instead of a wedding it's just like when we're kids and it's the day after Christmas or a birthday, after all the excitement has died down. Add in a little disappointment (you didn't get the toy you really really wanted) and fatigue (the all night birthday slumber party) and there you have it.
I know you probably have a million things to catch up on after months of hard training, but I bet you'd feel 900 times better if you could sleep about 4 times as much as you are. Even an extra half hour can make a world of difference.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your experiences. And really, hang in there! You'll be back up to speed before you know it!
Posted by: Laura at October 18, 2007 2:58 PM
hang on momma! in my limited experience, the month or two after a marathon just sucks. the crumb analogy is a good one (as is wedding/christmas). i think it has something to do with building up race day as the end all/be all telos and then, no matter how sweet it is, it's really just another day.
take it from me, though, obsessing over lessons plans never makes ANYTHING better - let sleep be our salvation.
Posted by: carrie g. at October 18, 2007 9:40 PM
YES, yes, i agree. i just came to grips with the race recently. i was much slower than u at 4:45, but my realistic goal was 4:15. i just have to think that we learned something unique about ourselves out there running in those crazy conditions, vs. what almost any other marathoner puts themselves through. everyone out there had a really unique experience to grow from. i want to take something away from the race and apply to future training. i also wasn't able to push myself as hard as you did (kudos!) so i'm not quite as worn out though. hang in there. even though the weather sucked, i think you did something really amazing out there.
Posted by: brent at October 19, 2007 6:53 AM
Bridget,
I'm feeling for you, girl! Just remember, though, that this low ebb (mental and physical) now is just as natural as the high ebb of a few weeks ago.
Your body was broken down in a major way. It needs to feel tired, and it needs rest. With that, it will be back stronger and faster than before.
When I'm in full-on resting mode, I try to get out on a walk every day, It in no way mimics the run, but it provides the same breath of fresh air that we all love about our sport.
Take good care of yourself!
Meghan
Posted by: Meghan at October 22, 2007 7:43 PM
The body's fatigue does not always cooperate with the mind's desire. That's what kind of sucks about being...well...human. It's also what makes running particularly beautiful.
I'd say don't listen to the mind or the heart-- which can be a really stupid, illogical organ. Rather, if your body's sore, swim. Get a massage. And most of all, it's not gluttony or laziness. It's recovery. Recovery is a vital part of the training process. Let yourself eat and drink and get a little plump.
Anyhow, there's a piece of unsolicited advice. Great job at Chicago and great job at rendering it.
Posted by: tuscaloosarunner at October 24, 2007 5:36 AM