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October 02, 2005
DNF
It's only been a few hours since I walked off the course so I am having a difficult time digesting everything and interpreting my feelings. On the one hand, logic tells me that I made the right decision. On the other hand, my heart feels a little broken and I wonder what would have happened if I had finished. All that I can say, in retrospect, is that the moment I made the decision to call the race, I was 100% sure that I was making the right decision.
The race started out pretty well. I ran with an awesome gentleman from Florida named Seth and he had the most positive attitude of any runner I have ever encountered. He was determined to stay by my side and help me to a PR. We rolled out too quickly in 6:40 - of course I felt good so we hit another another 6:40. Heading into mile 3, we reclaimed some of our sanity and hit a 6:58 . . . we were about 6:56 - 7:00 through the half and we both seemed to be doing okay, although I was laboring a lot harder than he was.
And then the pain set in and I told Seth to go. My stride started to shorten and get choppy as my glutes unleashed a flood of pain into my system. I freaked out a little, but I felt strong so I tried to keep my rhythm up. A little past mile 14, I ran into B., Ajax (my dog) and my twin sister, Aine. I pulled over to the side of the road in tears and told B and Aine that I was done.
I cried for 2 more minutes - I desperately watched the minutes pass on my watch as I felt completely helpless. B. gently hugged me and told me that I had to keep going - I would regret it if I stopped. I tried to fight him, but I knew, at that moment, that he was right. I jumped back in, looked over my shoulder and said, "you'll be at mile 19, right?"
Losing 3 minutes, I still hit 15 miles around 3:06 pace. I picked it up for a while and then the pain worsened. I hung on until mile 19 - I saw B. and Aine and quit. Before I quit, one of my friends ran to the side of the road and walked with me - she just finished an Ironman - and she asked me if this was what I really wanted to do. When I said, "Yes," we pulled off the course, I unpinned my race number and I immediately felt a weird combination of relief, guilt, and regret.
In the midst of my inner turmoil, Aine looked over at me, hugged me and whispered, "At least you will be able to walk for your bachelorette party!" That made me laugh - I needed a good laugh :)
When I dropped out, I was hovering somewhere between 3:04 and 3:06 pace. I could have shuffled in and finished under 3:16, but I don't even know if I could have pounded for 7 more miles . . . it was not my day.
I am still too emotionally confused and sad to say anything else. While I am beyond disappointed, I have to be content with my decision - there is nothing I can do to change what happened. For so long I have demanded perfection from myself and I have gutted out so many miles in pain . . . maybe today was okay afterall. I have been dealing with glute issues for a year and a half - it came back to haunt me today. I should have - at least a year ago - gone to a PT and figured out how to strengthen the muscle weaknesses in my body that became so apparent and clear today. I should have done so many things in hindsight, but I kept pushing and ignoring the pain.
On another note, the Milwaukee marathon was absolutely wonderful. The local running group that puts on the race does an amazing job - they make every runner feel like a star. And the course - although not flat in the first half at all - is one of the most beautiful and peaceful courses I have ever been on. I pretty much loved the experience of the race and I deeply wish it could have turned out differently. I will be back in 2006 to finally finish this race.
Posted by bridget at October 2, 2005 04:28 PM
Comments
eeck. the constraints of the human body are SO annoying. i know nothing will probably help your diaspointment at this juncture, but i wanted to tell you that i really admire you as a runner and a whole person. it's probably for the best that you stopped so that you can be back doing what we all really love-just being out there-sooner rather than later. i know you will be back winning races and taking names soon. take care and heal up.
Posted by: Audrey at October 2, 2005 05:13 PM
Sometimes it takes just as much courage to drop out of a race as it does to finish it--it sounds like you made the right call and how great that you had such wonderful people around you to support whatever decision you ended up making! I hope you feel better soon!
Posted by: Megan at October 2, 2005 05:51 PM
I'm sorry you had a bad experience, I can totally relate. It's totally disappointing to drop out of any race, but I think when you're chasing time in a marathon and the starting goal isn't just to complete the race, it's not a bad idea. And when you add the fact that you were experiencing injury-related pain, there's no question that you did the right thing.
I hope you can get help for your glute injury and that this experience only leads you to bigger and better things in the future. I think it will. And I am really impressed with how well you ran those 19 miles. You are going to be a[n even more] kick-ass marathoner [than you already are] one of these days.
I know how mentally tough things can be when you drop out of a marathon, but I hope you can channel any negative feelings into something positive. And have an awesome bachelorette party!
Posted by: Alison at October 2, 2005 07:08 PM
Bridget, I am so sorry to hear about the DNF. I hope that you will come back and finish (under 3:00) in Milwaukee next year...
I'm sure it will take a while to come to terms with the situation, but you have a wonderfully positive attitude and I am sure that things will be going great soon! And have a fantastic bachelorette party!! Can't wait to hear about that.
Posted by: Barb at October 2, 2005 08:50 PM
Sorry that the race didn't go as planned. Maybe planning another running goal, like a half or something, would help? You still have lots of fitness, so after resting a little, try to set some PR's and take advantage of the fitness you have? Or just relax and try to look ahead. There will be many, many more races for you:)
Posted by: Lilly at October 3, 2005 06:58 AM
It sucks to hear that you had to DNF. Boo. It sounds like the right choice because you were struggling with something that could easily turn into a major injury.
Blondie
Posted by: Blondie at October 3, 2005 08:23 AM