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July 22, 2005

The Heat Wave is Coming! The Heat Wave is Coming!

I once had to memorize a hefty chunk of Longfellow's "Paul Revere's Ride" - for some reason, my title brought that painful memory to the surface ("Listen my children and you shall hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere . . . "). Before I swim into my running adventures, I just wanted to say "thank you" to everyone who commented on my last entry. I was a little worried about posting such personal ponderings, but I could not resist the temptation to unleash my thoughts. I needed an outlet.

Running has spiraled downward this week. It's Friday and I have only logged 24 miles - an all time low (well, at least in the past 2 months!). I am planning to log 6-10 tomorrow and I was planning to log 18 on Sunday. The operative word being "was." Newscasters are already cautioning us about the weekend heat. I suppose I could suck it up and run my long run tomorrow, but I am working at 10AM, and out of feelings of PURE laziness and sluggishness, I do not want to crawl out of bed at 6:00AM to run for 2 and a half hours. Sometimes I wonder how the elites do it day in and day out. I imagine they have days where they wake up and say, "I just don't feel like running," but they run anyway. I either don't run or I shorten my run - OR, on some very rare occasions - I have the run of my life! How odd, this running thing.

So I believe I have deduced that I will not run long tomorrow. That means I have Sunday left to play with. Here is the problem with Sunday: 105 degrees in Chicago with the heat index. I would have to be drugged to run in that kind of heat! My final option: TREADMILL. 2 hours and 15 minutes (*GASP*). I have to work a race that morning so I will have to run in the middle of the afternoon. Maybe I can pop in "Without Limits" and then "5000 Meters" and go to town. How can I not feel extra motivated while watching running movies?

Grand Finale: There is a slight chance I might call this week a wash and start all over next week. I will be in Boston next weekend so I definitely know I will get a long run in :) I purposely booked our flight home next Sunday in the afternoon so I would have the wee hours of the morning to take a run down memory lane and re-trace my old 20 mile route (which is probably closer to 22-23 miles since it usually takes me 3 hours to complete). I am salivating at the mouth just thinking about Boston!! I always make the usual stops: Sugar Heaven, Bruegger's Bagels, Bukowski's, and Bill Rodger's Running Center (not in that particular order).

Stay cool this weekend!!!

Posted by bridget at 6:29 PM | Comments (3)

July 21, 2005

Something to Ponder . . .

I was going to write a riveting and unforgettable entry about the pitfalls and arm raising victories of running and marathon training, but then I received an email from my twin sister, Anne, who is currently traveling in South Africa and I changed my mind. I find her prose much more powerful and haunting than anything I can say or write about running (that said, I did fall off the wagon and I am miles and miles behind on my self-imposed running schedule for this week, but SO BE IT! I cannot drown myself in this midwestern humidity and I cannot run in one place on a treadmill for 14 miles!).

Below is an excerpt from Anne's latest email:

"My visit to the orphanage was life changing - one of
the safari guides at the hotel asked if I wanted to go
into town - to Moshi - he dropped me off at the
orphanage and I wasn't too sure what to do - they had
76 children there - half are HIV positive and most
lost their parents to AIDS - others were abused and
all the little girls (only 11) were most likely raped
and all HIV positive...when the children saw me walk
in, they all started to gather around me - I played
cards with them, catch, arm wrestled (of course, I
lost every time!!)...they called me the white hair
lady from Amercia and now they think the USA is full
of tall blondes!!! Anyhow, I bonded with one child in
particular - he actually spoke English and he thinks
his name is GodBless (precious and probably all he
remembers - the workers there call him this names as
well) (all the kids speak Swahili and most don't know
any english)...we were on the swings together and he
noticed Pete - the safari guide - walk back into the
gates(3 hours after dropping me!!!) and he knew that
meant I had to leave - he ran away so fast...I looked
for him for a while and then when I was walking away ,
I turned and noticed that he was in the distance
watching - all I could do was wave good-bye...I cried
when the gate shut behind me...thinking it was worse
for these kids that I was there since I walked away
from them...I remember putting my hand on this little
boy's head - he was the youngest there - 3 years old ,
and he just leaned into my leg and didn't want my hand
to leave his little head - I don't think he was used
to love and affection...I hugged several of the
children and the ones that I thought would never
smile, did....

Anyhow, want you to know that I am safe and expect to
hear from me on Sunday -"

I read this email from Anne, sat down for a minute, and cried. I don't want to preach or admit to any life shattering conversions or ephiphanies, but her words paralyzed me for a long while. I started to think about all the times that I allow my thoughts to wander away from any form of rational thinking and thereby get kidnapped by voices that are consumed by things like: you need to lose 10 pounds, you are sooo broke right now, that person said what about who? and so on and so on. I have never been materialistic in any way, but many of those around me are. The little blue box means more than a hug . . . whereas I would take the hug any day of the week and twice on Sunday. I feel like I have been backed into a corner and that I really need to think and feel and wonder. I often forget about - or at least take for granted - how privileged we are in America. Most of us spend six figures receiving a college education . . . and what do we do with this gift? I feel a burning urge to really reconsider what I am doing with my own life and think about deeper ways that I can impact the world.

I know I am writing on pure emotion right now because Anne's email touched a sensitive nerve. When I landed my first job as a 15 year-old in a small bookstore, the first thing I did was adopt a child from a third world country - I called one of those numbers you always see on TV. My heart has always been elsewhere . . . a part of me truly envies the experiences that my sister is having, and I can only hope that we can share these experiences together in the near future.

Mostly, I am feeling lost today. I feel overwhelemd by the violence sweeping the world, and I have to wonder, if the US never went into Iraq, would London have been bombed twice in two weeks? How would we feel if another country invaded our soil and killed our women and children? Will it ever happen? Will terrorism escalate into something bigger? I am, by nature, a pacifist. I hate to see innocent people killed. I hate to see terrorism and war. And I hate to think that our current war on terror overshadows the voices of the children that my sister met in some random orphanage in a town called Moshi. What will become of those children? Will the world ever turn its attention to Africa and open its eyes to the violence, poverty, corruption, and illness that is occupying and "hijacking" so many cities, villages and countries there?

It's hard not to think about these things, yet - at the end of the day - we still have to go on with our daily lives and make a living. I suppose I am worried about the world and what is happening . . . all the while so many americans are asleep. Will it take another 9/11 to wake us from our slumber? To realize that our country does nourish some bad foreign policies? It is important to remember that in America, people have a lot to lose. But in many of the countries that breed terrorism, people have little to lose . . . at least in the way of material possessions. Maybe if the situations were reversed, we would be much more aware of our political landscape instead of hiding from its reality. I guess I feel extremely vulnerable at the moment.

So now I am rambling and I have probably expressed way too much of my own inner turmoil for a running blog - I hope I did not offend anyone or say something that I should not have . . . I promise to return to my "riveting" treadmill running tomorrow :) If it's any consolation, I hashed out all these thoughts while running 10.5 miles like an exhausted hamster on my treadmill last night ;)

Posted by bridget at 11:52 AM | Comments (6)

July 19, 2005

55

I wimped out on Sunday and justified NOT doing my pre-planned long run. I scheduled a 17 mile run, but I trudged through 8 and called it quits. When I stopped, I had buckets of sweat pouring off my body - it was absolutely disgusting and horrifying (and I am not one generally grossed out by sweat!). The temperatures were nearing 90-95 degrees, I was getting the chills, and I was feeling really dehydrated. So I quit, marched home to our air-conditioned place, and called it a run. I ended the week with 7 days of running and 55 miles - my 8th straight week of 50+ miles!! This is very exciting for me - or, as my friend in Ireland would say, "Shivers!" I still don't get what that means, but I loosely interpret it as "exciting."

I decided to take yesterday off because I am already in awe that I have been running in the 50s with no injuries for 8 weeks and I do not want to push my luck. I should reach the 60s within the next few weeks - I am finally beginning to understand the word "progression." In my past life as a runner, I would return from an injury and jump from 0 to 30 to 60. Not smart. I suppose I am what people label a "slow learner." Today I plan to run 9 miles at a good clip - probably around 7:20 pace. I just need to get myself pysched up to run.

My twin sister reached the summit of Kilimanjaro and she is safely exploring Cape Town. She sent me a brief email yesterday and it was the highlight of my day - she mentioned that she might do a garden tour, but she also mentioned something about a visit to an orphanage that had her pretty down. It would not shock me if she went back to Africa within the next 5 years and returned home with a child. My sister has always wanted to adopt a child from a third world country . . . she is an amazing and inspiring human being.

I hope she writes more soon so I can copy and paste it up here! She was pretty brief in her email.

Final running thoughts: I am running a half in a few weeks - I think it is on August 7th. I really really really really want to run under 1:30. I desperately need some confidence before I take another 26.2 mile journey. OH - I am *NOT* running the Chicago marathon. Registration closed last week at 40,000. Unbelievable. My options are Milwaukee and Quad Cities . . . or waiting it out until the Spring. We'll see.

Posted by bridget at 8:44 AM | Comments (4)

July 12, 2005

Quick Update

I procrastinated allllllllll day, but when B. said he was going to be home in an hour and he wanted to run, I knew I needed to jump on the treadmill and get my workout in. I tend to do my tempo runs on the treadmill so that I can keep myself honest and so that I can monitor my pace.

My goal was to run 9 miles and run 4 miles @ 15K - Half marathon race pace. I started off with a 2.5 mile warm-up, but my warm-up turned into a faster pace than I probably should have allowed myself to launch into. I get super impatient when it comes to warm-ups and cool-downs (something I am trying to get over). So I got those miles out of the way and I started my tempo run at 6:58 pace and about a half mile later I was comfortably running under 6:50 and I ran the last 2.5 around 6:40-6:45. I felt pretty good and in control - when I started the workout I really wanted to throw in the towel and just add more miles tomorrow. I think I have 6 personalities because I have a lot of internal dialogues swirling around when I am running - or contemplating NOT running!

I headed into a cool-down at the 6.5 mile mark, but I grew impatient the last 3/4 mile and turned up the volume to 6:40 pace again and finished the final quarter at 6:00 minute pace. My butt hurts, but other than that pain in the a$*, I am feeling pretty positive.

B. ran three miles tonight!!

Posted by bridget at 10:52 PM | Comments (6)

July 11, 2005

Right on Schedule :)

So far, so good. I will start with Sunday. I blogged that I would run 16 miles, but I ended up running 17.5 - for no particular reason either. I was not feeling especially motivated or even great, but I just kept running (for some reason I cannot unravel). I started off feeling bouncy and fresh so I decided to take a 5 mile route to Chicago's infamous lakefront path. I left the house at 7:30 AM and I was worried that I left too late. The sun was already peaking out of the sky and shooting its rays onto my body. I actually left my usual raggedy cotton t-shirt at home (usually old race t-shirts) in exchange for a Patagonia Capilene shirt . . . the best decision I made that day. People laugh at me all the time because I A) always run with a shirt on and B) the shirt that I do run in is always cotton. One of these days I will muster up the courage and allow my shockingly white belly to see the sun :)

I am totally distracted by the sudden thought of running in just a sports bra. So I hit the lakepath and I think I was running a steady 7:30 pace, but I am not too sure. I ran all the way down to the zero mile marker - near Loyola for those familiar with Chicago - and then turned around and headed back to North Ave. beach and then home. From about mile 8 to the end, I struggled. I had awful, awful stomach cramps, but I tried to ignore them. I also tried stopping for water every mile, but I either choked it back down or spit it up. NOT A GOOD RUN. Still, I managed to run between 7:30 and 8:00 minute pace the entire way . . . I forgot what it felt like to run 17.5 mile long runs. It has been a long time since I did that kind of run, but I am glad that I fought through it.

Today was a rest day so I ran a SUPER easy 4 miles and then did 400 sit-ups and some light arm weights. Tomorrow I have a 9 mile run scheduled with 4 miles at 15K race pace (by the way, after spending hours and hours writing my schedule, I decided to adopt - or semi-adopt - Pfitzinger's schedule from Advanced Marathoning. I don't think I can handle the 15 mile Wednesday long runs, but I can definitely do 10-12 miles). I am still trying to keep the promise I made to myself this year: no crazy jumps in mileage. I am going to try to stick to 50-65 miles/week and then next summer I plan to gun for 65-80.

I am rambling. Happy Running to all!!

Posted by bridget at 10:15 PM | Comments (1)

July 9, 2005

The Dreaded Schedule - Can I Really Stick to it?

I have spent the past 2 hours researching and coming up with an 11 week running schedule. I have a shaky and contentious relationship with schedules. We don't exactly get along. And this does not strictly apply to running schedules - it applies to a variety of schedules - work, working out, food, school, etc. I continually try to repair my relationship with the rigidity of schedules (ironically, the very "rigid" ones that I create!), but to no avail. I have yet to stick to any form of structure in my life.

That said, I am at it again. I am going to really really try to do this again (gosh, maybe I belong in psychiatric care). My running schedule is a good mix of long runs, medium long runs, lactate threshold stuff, a little V02 max work, but not a lot, and recovery. I also added in 30 minutes of biking 5 days/week, lifting 3 days and abs 6 days. Hah! I am already doubting my ambitious goals. At the same time, I want a realistic shot at breaking 3 hours this fall and going out there 6 days/week and just running isn't going to work. It might get me close, but it will not get me under that barrier.

I am going to use the next 3 months as a scientific experiment of sorts. I want to prove to myself that I can FINALLY do this. I am going to post everyday in a lame effort to try to keep myself accountable. This is real running - something I have not been able to string together for 3 straight months and stick to. The end reward might be a sub 3 . . . and even if it isn't, the biggest reward will be knowing that I can add structure and goals to my daily life. I have goals - I have a lot of goals, in fact - but that is all they are. I am terrible at bringing my goals to fruition.

Speaking of goals, I failed to get up this morning and run. I wanted to do an easy 10, but B. and I went out last night and I had more to drink than I have ever had in my life. I had 2 glasses of wine and two glasses of port (my absolute favorite). I woke up early and read, but I was too dizzy to run. As soon as it cools off outside, I will hit the pavement. My plan is to tackle the trails tomorrow morning for 16 miles. On Monday my schedule comes to life.

Posted by bridget at 1:50 PM | Comments (22)

July 7, 2005

Fast Dash in a Mental Fog of Sadness

Like some others have mentioned, I feel the urge to say something about what happened this morning in London. My heart cries for the people who have lost loved ones or have suffered injury in this morning's bombings. I was shocked when B. woke me up and turned my attention to the news. My initial thoughts rushed to my twin sister. She left this afternoon and headed to the Netherlands to meet up with a friend - from there they will hop on a plane to Tanzania. However, her friend was due to arrive in London this morning before catching a flight to Amsterdam. I met my sister for coffee before she headed out of the country - we have yet to hear from her friend. My heart is with her as she crosses the ocean this evening . . . I am confident that she will be okay (she may even be safer in Africa than many of us are in the USA), but I still worry.

I was living in Boston when I watched the Twin Towers collapse on TV. I lost my Aunt on the plane that hit the Pentagon. I will never understand the need for such violence and emotional bankruptcy. I cannot comprehend why terrorist groups kill innocent people. At the same time, I cannot understand why the US has killed thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians. I cannot understand why we continue to build nuclear weapons and why North Korea and Iran might actually use them some day. My war feelings and political sentiments aside, all I can do right now is hope for peace.

I had a hard time motivating myself to run today . . . I felt a little empty and my mind was loud and chaotic. B. finally encouraged me to run and I unleashed my anger on the treadmill. I did not run long - just 5.5 miles, but I started at a 7 minute pace and finished at a 6:25 pace. It felt quite cathartic, but I had a mother of a stomach ache because I had just eaten dinner! At any rate, I was glad that I ran. I am hoping to toss in another 10 miles tomorrow.

As an aside: I called in sick to work today because my dog, Mr. Ajax, is under the weather with kennel cough. I am amazed at my capacity of endless love for this little guy. He routinely follows me everywhere. It was really cute - when I was running on the treadmill tonight, Ajax decided to run back and forth, and when I was finally done, he crept onto the treadmill and just stood there. I don't know what I would do without him. If I knew how to post pictures, I would post one of him. He is such a proud and happy creature.

Posted by bridget at 11:08 PM | Comments (3)

July 5, 2005

Anne's Excellent Adventure

I have not run yet today, but since I am caught at my computer, I feel like writing something down and posting it. I have written a few times about my twin sister, Anne, and I feel especially inclined to write about her before she sets sail on her travels around the world.

Anne is traveling to Africa on Thursday. I admire her bravery and independence, but I also worry. After all, she is genetically linked to me - literally my other half! She has spent the past 3 years working long and monotnous hours as a public accountant - which is a suffocating job for someone who functions best when her spirit and life are completely free and uninhibited. She has decided to leave that world behind and search for a new world of adventure, humaitarianism, and perhaps even writing. I wouldn't be surprised to find her travel journals on a book shelf some time in the near future.

Her voyage starts with a trek up Kilimanjaro. I probably spelled that incorrectly. She recently returned from climbing 14,000 feet in Colorado. Kilimanjaro is 22,000 feet. She is meeting a friend in the Netherlands to climb, but then she is on her own. She will be in Africa for 6 weeks. Her second stop takes her to Cape Town for 10 days, and her final stop takes her to Victoria Falls. I am worried about her possible boundry crossing into Zimbabwe given the recent violence and displacement of hundreds of thousands of people. She has promised me that she will cancel her Zimbabwe trip if the political situation heats up even more. I think she will get a better feel once she is there.

It's really strange how our lives have crossed each other. I was a step away from leaving for the Peace Corp after college, but had a history of illness so could not go. I always thought I would end up as the lonely and single - but completely peaceful and happy - world traveler. I always envisioned myself working for the UN (before I realized it was a politically corrupt organization) or some humanitarian group or NGO and living in a third world country. It is awfully hard to realize those dreams now since my fiance is stationed in Chicago for at least the next 10 years. *sigh* I like Chicago, but I have never loved it. I guess - to sum up - I feel a little lost myself. I am not sure what I want to do with my life, but I am not one for falling into complacency and routines. Maybe that is why the artistic life appeals to me . . . it is unpredictable and unscheduled. It is full of rejection and accomplishment. But in order to get there I have to take a leap of faith that I am terrified to take.

In the meantime, I will continue working on my MA in English and working at the running store.

I am really going to miss my sister. I wish I could trek the world with her and share that experience directly instead of vicariously. I am sure I will keep everyone posted of her adventures - I will copy and paste pieces of her emails into my blog. I think we can all learn a little something from her spirit and curious soul.

Posted by bridget at 5:30 PM | Comments (2)

July 4, 2005

Reality Check and a Long Overdue Update

Where do I begin? I seem to enjoy frequent disappearing acts and sudden returns. First things first, running has been going well! I started my week with a smooth 16 miler on the lakefront this morning (before the clouds moved in and dumped some much needed rain on us). I ran with K., a super super fast runner. She has run in the arena of 16:40s for 5K, but she is extraordinarily humble and modest, and she was willing to get dragged along on a 2 hour run with me. We ran pretty comfortably around 7:30 pace . . . I was surprised that I felt stronger toward the end of the run than in the middle. Maybe this is a good omen. My running goddesses sure know I could use one of those!!

I have been banking consistent 50 mile weeks for about 6 weeks now, and I have survived to write about it (my friend, J., in Boston used to joke that I peaked in between injuries). I am hoping to flood my summer months with 50-65 mile weeks. This week should be around 60-65 because I started it with 16 and I will probably end it with 16-18 on the trails this Sunday. By the way, the fireworks display in my neighborhood is insane - fireworks of the kind going off in front of our place are illegal in Illinois, but they are wildly impressive and awesome.

I am still undecided about which marathon I want to run this fall. Chicago is already at 30,000 and filling quickly and I have not signed up. Twin Cities is closed. That leaves the Lakefront Marathon in Milwaukee and Quad Cities in Moline, IL. Both are within driving distance and both are small races. Has anyone heard any feedback on these marathons? I have checked out marathonguide.com, but I trust my fellow bloggers as the most reliable sources in cyber space. A part of me really wants to sign up for Chicago - even with just a preferred start - because I know it is my best opportunity to PR, but another part of me wants to run another 26.2 to remind my legs how wonderful (ah hem, awful) it feels . . . and then maybe - if I remain healthy - I can prepare for a fast debut in 2006. I am completely undecided at the moment.

And the grand finale: a rude reality check. I did something stupid. I stepped on the scale at my sister's house. My weight is up 10 pounds from where it was when I ran my last marathon in 2002. I don't really know how to feel about this. Well some of it - maybe 2 pounds - is muscle weight, but I definitely know the rest of it I could do without. But this puts me into a precarious position. One, I don't know how to healthily lose weight, and two, I am a little depressed with my current body. I know those pounds DO make a difference - especially over the final few miles of a long journey. Someone once said every pound is worth 2 seconds per mile (if you are still within a healthy range). Cutting ten pounds could mean the difference between running 7:00s and 6:40s. Still - knowing that - does not motivate me to try to lose the weight. This must sound really rambly and scattered. I hate to even bring up such a sensitive topic in a sport shaded with eating disorders and weight consciousness.

I don't know where all of this leaves me. I think my solution is to continue to run 50-60 miles/week and eat healthy. If I don't drop a pound, so be it. (one would think that buying the perfect wedding dress for my October wedding would be incentive enough to launch me into a healthy diet plan, but not even that seems to inspire me).

Posted by bridget at 10:16 PM | Comments (5)