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September 30, 2004

It's Been a While

I have not consciously neglected my blog, but maybe I have on a subconscious level. While I seem to be doing remarkably well mentally and emotionally, I must admit that I do miss running more than I anticipated. The break was nice . . . for a week. It has now been over 4 weeks since I planted one foot in front of the other, and my foot is still swollen. One of my friends is a doctor and he suggested getting a cast, but I think it's a bit too late for that. Plus, I have already lost all of my running fitness so I keep asking myself the same question: does it really matter if I come back a week or two earlier with a cast than without it? I kind of don't think so, but I may be wrong. My only goal is to run (NOT RACE) a little turkey trot 4 miler Thanksgiving morning. I have managed to run it almost every year since my freshman year in college and I am anxious to run it again this year. I think that is a reasonable goal, but I need to at least be running by mid October! I have some serious doubts about that one. Perhaps a New Year's Eve 5K would be a better and more realisitc goal.

The good news is that I am no longer limping around campus or the neighborhood! The pain is still present, but it is tolerable. I have also adopted biking as my alternative to running and I have been lifting weights at least 3 x a week...I think I even saw an arm muscle the other day!! I would love to have my veins start popping out . . but I am leap years away from that.

Not too much has been going on these days. I lead a rather boring life that entails going to school, TA-ing, working out (3-5x/wk), writing, doing homework and when I have time, sleeping. I have actually never been happier - I LOVE school and I have made some wonderful friends! Honestly, a sore foot and a few weeks of missed running is not that big of a deal :-)

I have also been thinking about my training approach and I have made some good decisions (at least, I think they are good). I am going to tune out all the "noise" (other runners giving me advice) for a while and focus on what I know my body can handle, and what I have had success doing before. I am going to rewind to my premarathon training in 2002 that resulted in my 3:04 - which seems more and more like a "one hit wonder" time these days. I am going to run 6 miles in the morning Monday - Friday, 8 on Saturday and either rest on Sunday or run 8-15 miles. I had so much success with that regime, no matter how monotnous or unexciting it may seem. Yeah, there was no speedowork, but every run was done around 7 minute pace and I never got hurt. I did not get hurt until I jumped my mileage....I also got a lot slower. I should have learned my limits by now - every time I run over 60 miles/wk, I end up getting injured (I have a LONG history with injuries!)

Who knows? It's all one big experiment to me :)

The presidential debate starts in 30 minutes!!!

Posted by bridget at 6:11 PM | Comments (0)

September 16, 2004

How are you doing?

It's amazing how my non-running life seems much busier and more chaotic than my running life. I had convinced myself that I was going to have all of this free time to play and experiment with. Not so. I have attacked my studies with a renewed vigor and enthusiasm. Speaking of studies, I feel completely humbled by the graduate students and professors I have encountered so far on my journey. I constantly feel like I am running extra miles just to keep up with their brilliance:) I realize that my undergraduate education was fantastic, but there is a gigantic leap between undergraduate and graduate level work. I am trying to bridge the gap, but between reading over 400 pages a week of various texts and TA-ing and going to class, I have little time to sneak in my extracurricular activities, like studying literary theory, hegemony and postmodernism. Fun stuff!

Anyway, I have been thinking about a lot of things lately, and left within my own head, I tend to go crazy. I am politically passionate, but I do not think this is the appropriate forum to express my political ideology. I like to think of myself as a peaceful person who does not vote for my capital (well, I don't have a wallet anyway), but for the democratic rights of ALL Americans. BUT, I will not divulge those feelings.

I guess I have been thinking a lot about human interaction and our lack of it in a world swimming in virtual realities and cubicles. It's nice to be in a classroom again instead of being isolated in an office. I find myself asking people all the time, "How are you doing?" Sometimes people are taken aback by that question - shocked that someone asks and really cares about their answer. Maybe when I am running more, I do not think as much about how other people are doing (sadly). But now that I am out of commission, I care more and I am striving to be an all around better and less selfish human being.

So, how is everyone doing these days? :)

Posted by bridget at 8:21 AM | Comments (0)

September 12, 2004

My Broken Toes!

I read Jessie's blog from the other day and I think we share something in common: we seem to be a bit unlucky these days. I am not sure if this is supposed to mimic something like comic relief, but here goes:
Last night I decided to walk downstairs to the kitchen to pour myself a refreshing beverage. B. and his friends went out, so it was just me and the dog -- and my many academic texts, of course. so the dog was passed out on his chair (sound asleep) and i began my desent down the stairs. Meanwhile, I have to walk on the outside of my right foot to avoid the stress fracture pain; I lost my balance near the bottom of the stairs and went flying forward.

I flew into a chair left pulled out by one the boys. My left foot jammed into the edge and I fell. I immediately felt a rush of pain in my "good" foot and I worried that I broke my toe. I slept a little uneasily last night; the possibility of two broken feet turned my stomach a little. I woke up this morning (well, I never officially went to sleep) and found my left toe completely swollen and bruised, but still flexible. I think I sprained it.

I guess this is kind of funny - or, at least, I am forcing myself to see the humor in it (you have to admit that it's a little funny). My twin sister and I went to the store today and I felt bad for her - she was subjected to my slow pace.

So now I am icing both feet and I have definitely resigned myself to the couch. I am not moving unless I have to; who knows what disaster awaits me around the corner? I have always feared the possibility of not being able to work out. It looks like I am definitely realizing that fact now.....

So it goes, as Kurt Vonnegut would say. Hey, it's not cancer or a life threatening injury - it's just a few weeks. I am going to take advantage of it (as my new friend, Audrey, reminded me to do) and enjoy more Friday nights with my friends :-) There are positives and negatives to everything in life; I prefer to look at the positives.

Posted by bridget at 4:28 PM | Comments (0)

September 11, 2004

Good Karma

I just wanted to thank everyone who has taken the time to comment on my blog over the past few weeks. I am obviously struggling with this injury - mentally, emotionally, physically - and it helps to hear words of encouragement and caution from other runners (and my mom!!!!). I have been debating about what to do with myself, in terms of exercise. As much I am tempted to sweat it out on the elliptical, I know I cannot do it. My foot seems to be backsliding on me. Audrey wrote a wonderful comment regarding my last entry: sometimes we just have to hang up the shoes and accept our injuries. I am trying to get to that point. I am still contemplating biking - and I might try to find a pool and a swimsuit - but I may also throw in the towel and focus my energies on school.

It's hard to be around running (as Audrey also mentioned) and I feel myself unconsciously - but maybe consciously - separating myself from my running world a little bit. It's sort of unhealthy at this point to "subject" myself to their daily habits and routines when I am having a difficult time with my immobility. Does that make sense, or I am horribly selfish? I have been hanging out a lot with my graduate student friends (most of whom do not care what they eat, what they weigh, how much they do/don't run/exercise - very unlike my running friends!!!). It's been kind of refreshing to explore a world other than the running one.

That said, I love this blog and the runners on it - everyone seems balanced, happy and positive!! I extract a lot of energy and good karma from here. So I hope people don't mind if I start rambling about the world, school, and life in general as opposed to my injured foot and subsequent depression!! Well, I am not really depressed....something in me is both paradoxically relieved and sad. Hmmmm.

Anyway, good luck to all of those racing today!! I sense a lot of PRs coming on!

Posted by bridget at 12:50 PM | Comments (0)

September 10, 2004

I'm Losing It

I am totally losing it at this point. It is Friday. The only day I actually made it to the gym was Tuesday. I did the elliptical for an hour HARD and then did some core strengthening work. I woke up Wednesday and there were all sorts of crunching sounds in my foot....I think I set myself back a few weeks by obsessively working out on the elliptical. It was starting to feel better before I did that and now I can barely walk again. I have never been this frustrated or this inactive. I cannot seem to motivate myself to go to the gym because it hurts to walk again.....I could lift or do weights, but I think I am a little depressed (Karly - I wish I would have read your comment before Tuesday! Your caution was dead on.....how long did your fracture take to heal?).

I really miss running - I haven't had an emotional breakdown yet, but I think the longer I am unable to do anything, the faster the tears will come. It's going to be hard to watch the marathon from the sidelines too.....

I need to snap out of this.

Posted by bridget at 7:03 AM | Comments (0)

September 6, 2004

Buried under Books

It's getting late, but I am up - reading and reading and reading. I feel like I am buried under a mountainous pile of texts and the pile is an endless abyss of words. My eyes are tired and I am disoriented, but I still have 70 pages in one book to trudge through and a few articles and chapters in another book to analyze and react to. I feel like I am always playing catch up, which is both annoying and overwhelming!

B. and I went to Long Island, NY on Friday and returned home this afternoon. My foot is feeling a little better, but I still cannot bear too much weight on it. I did the elliptical on saturday and sunday, but it irritated my foot; the bike did not. My plan this week is to hit the gym at 5AM and give the elliptical a whirl (if my foot allows it), take a spin class and do some core work. I am determined to stay in shape, especially now that school has made me a completely sedentary person (YIKES!). I get restless from the long days I spend sitting on my growing bottom. I think I should create a new rule: every hour I must break and do 10 minutes worth of my 8 pound weights, abs, or push-ups - something, anything!

My other goal for this week is to consume large quantities of fruits and vegetables; they are supposed to help stress fractures heal faster. So I bought some grapes, bananas, oranges, raspberries and apples today! I am finally determined to start making some important changes (Alison, I might have to ditch the candy habit now!!).

I should really steal a few hours of sleep before I crawl to the gym in 5 hours.

Posted by bridget at 11:42 PM | Comments (1)

September 2, 2004

Putting things in perspective

First, I think it is totally awesome that my mom and sister, Colleen, responded to my last post. I honestly did not know if my family read this crazy blog. My mom has seen me go through a dozen ups and downs over the years. My senior year in college, six weeks before the Boston Marathon, I was completing a 22 mile run up heartbreak hill and my leg collapsed underneath me. Luckily, I lived on the top of the hill so I did not have to crawl too far. I remember calling my mom in hysterics and crying. Although 1,000 miles separated us, I felt like she was always nearby. She let me cry and get angry; she remained calm when I could not. That injury was extremely mysterious - an MRI and countless x-rays showed that my bones were solid. But I did not run a step for 12 weeks. I have a feeling this is going to progress into another long lay-off, but I am pretty confident that I will be able to cross-train next week.

Anyway, I have been pondering this whole injury bit and I realize that this time around, I am not nearly as hysterical or upset. Maybe my life encompasses more than simply running, or maybe I have just learned that bumps in the road are part of the human experience and I accept them when they come. But I think my "okay-ness" with all of this stems from a deeper area in my heart and subconscious.

Alison posted a while back about Margaret Bradley, the 24 year old runner and medical student who died while running/hiking in the Grand Canyon. Margaret was a dear and precious friend of mine. We shared a connection to both the greater boston track club and universal sole in chicago. When I first met her, I immediately sensed an energy and insatiable love and passion for running in her. Her eyes lit up whenever someone mentioned training or Deena Drossin. I truly believe that she would have qualified for the 2008 marathon trials. Anyone who can toss in 100 mile weeks in the middle of medical school and volunteer work is bound to succeed. But maybe it was too much? I am not sure. I think as runners we are used to pushing the limits and boundaries and somewhere along the line, we lose sight of those boundaries.

I have been speaking with Mrs. Bradley on a fairly regualr basis - she is a lovely and warm woman (she reminds me a lot of my own mom!) - and our conversations remind me of what is important in life. I cannot imagine the pain, anger and deep sadness that a parent must feel when he/she loses a child. I sense the suffering and gap left in Margaret's mom's heart. The last time we talked, we talked about finding a balance in our lives. We can strive to run well, but it must not consume us. I don't think that means that we should be content with mediocrity, but we have to accept our physical limitations and we have to keep our lives multidimensional because we do not know when our time will expire.

I get so sad when I think about Margaret - I keep waiting for her to come back to Chicago and dive into the school year. A part of me cannot accept her death in light of its tragic ending. But I sit here somewhat comforted by the fact that her spirit continues to thrive and live on in all of us who loved her.

A stress fracture is not that big of a deal. I can use this time to explore other activities and maybe even do a little extra reading and writing on the side to compliment my grad. school work!

Posted by bridget at 9:35 PM | Comments (0)

September 1, 2004

Question?

I have a question for anyone who has actually had a stress fracture or has known other runners who have had them. I went back to the Dr. today and he did an x-ray, which showed some suspicious activity in the foot. He said I definitely have a stress fracture and that there's really nothing I can do about it except buy hard soled boots. Okay, boots aside, I am really worried. I did not experience severe pain until Sunday. It's Wednesday - I have done nothing but sit around and limp from my car to class. I was wondering when the limping will go away? How long will the swelling and pain last? I am in a considerable amount of pain and in spite of lots of icing, elevation and resting, my foot is still really swollen. It's hard to bear any weight on it. I have heard that people tend to walk normally on them and that the pain subsides rather quickly. Any truth to this?

I am so sad right now.

Posted by bridget at 1:04 PM | Comments (0)