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April 14, 2005
Discouraged and Frustrated
For a few weeks now, my Thursday evening workouts have not gone too well. Actually, I probably have not had a really good track workout in over two weeks. I'm not quite sure what the reason for my poor workouts is. There are probably several contributing factors. For example, tonight I was completely exhausted. My lack of sleep is definitely catching up with me. When I got home from work I noticed the pretty black circles under my eyes. Another reason is my consistenly higher mileage. I have not averaged this high of mileage in my running lifetime. Another factor is that Thursday is my sixth consecutive day of running, so tonight I've run a lot of miles without a break. Another factor is mental. One of the guys in the group was asking me what the workout was. I told him that it was 4 x 1600 with an 800 jog. He replied to me, "oh, that's six miles, then isn't it?". I never, ever think of the workout in those kinds of terms. It is 4 seperate entities, not one whole. He had me thinking right away how long the workout was going to be. He's a very nice man, but thinking in those terms is not good for me psychologically.
When I woke up about two minutes before the alarm was set to go off, the first thought that entered my mind was that there was no way I was going to be able to get out of bed and run. I was so exhausted, but I managed. It was much cooler this morning and I was definitely not moving all that fluidly. I managed my four mile out and back, by the end I was feeling pretty decent.
This evening's workout was a different story. I just could not maintain pace or feel good. My stomach was making sounds, I was running in no-man's land, and I just felt tired in general. I did 3 of the repeats and then just ran easy because my body really could not give any more. I even sat down on the side of the track and cried a little bit thinking "what is wrong with me, why can't I do this". I felt better on the warm down, but I ran alone, I needed the space. As I was leaving T told me to rest. CM told me to drink a glass of wine and relax. Tomorrow is a complete day of rest, I know that my body needs it. Monday is the other break I need, a mental health day from work.
I did some errands immediately after the track. I had to buy baby gifts for a colleague. While I was out I saw a girl who I went to high school with and we were discussing how having a job that you hate just carries into other areas of your life and makes you plain miserable. That is the boat that I am in at the moment. I hate being so miserable and down all of the time, but my job makes me pretty much hate my life. I dread Sunday nights because I know that it means that I have to go back to work. I'm not going to think about that right now since I have a long weekend this weekend.
Posted by Blondie at April 14, 2005 08:56 PM
Comments
Blondie, I hope your job search is moving along. It seems like a new job would definitely make you feel so much better! I had a pretty miserable job last year and it took a lot out of me, whereas now I'm very lucky that my job doesn't carry over (work or emotional wise) into other aspects of my life. Good luck!
Posted by: Nanda at April 15, 2005 01:35 PM
I hope you start to feel better soon. Your life (and workouts) always sound so tiring to me! You definitely deserve a very nice day off today.
Posted by: Barb at April 15, 2005 03:13 PM