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March 18, 2008
Meltdown Mode
Ever have one of those days where it all seems to be going wrong? That was my day yesterday. Which lead to complete physical and mental meltdown last night. Ugh...one of those days.
I should be very glad that I really don't have days like this very often. I work hard (yes, it's hard work!) to keep my life very low stress by not over-commiting, being very organized so there are no surprises, having plans A, B and C just in case... And about 99% of the time that does the trick, but of course you can't come even close to controlling everything in life and bad days happen.
Yesterday was mine. Started off just fine though. I woke up very tired for my swim but that's what hard training does to you, makes you tired. So O and I got to the pool and despite my fatigue I had a strong workout and felt pretty good about things. My right shoulder was hurting me a little but I figured I just slept on it wrong and during the swim it wasn't hugely painful.
Off to work and my day was so-so. I was with an intern that just would not SHUT UP which really isn't my kind of thing when I'm trying to get work done (and she wasn't taking my oh so subtle hints to zip it) and that kind of put me in a bad mood. But still, not a horrible day.
What I did notice throughout the work day though was that my shoulder was REALLY starting to hurt. Like really bad. Like "I can't lift my arm up" bad. I knew something was wrong when, at the end of the day, a co-worker had to help me get my coat on because I literally could not lift my arm due to shoulder pain!
Okay, this is not too good. But I tried not to panic. I've had shoulder pain like that before and as quickly as it came it left. So I walked up the hill to my car and decided that I would still go to the YMCA to lift but just skip any and all exercises that involved my shoulder.
And then I hit the worst traffic that every existed on the face of this earth. (okay, big exaggeration, but at the time it felt that bad). Construction on the main highway that I take home has restarted and although I left work at 3:15, I didn't get home until 5:40 pm. It was awful. We were parked. And every single time I had to shift (which was about every 5 seconds because it was stop and go, inch by inch backup) my shoulder felt like it was going to fall off. Shifting hurt it so badly but I couldn't shift with my other arm because that would force me to hold the steering wheel with the bad arm and that hurt just as bad as the shifting.
Tears.
Mostly of frustration but also of pain.
When I finally got near home I decided I had to stop at the house before lifting because I was just a mess. My arm hurt, I was tired and angry and hungry and just generally unhappy.
And you know when everything feels like it's going wrong even when people (ie: your husband) try to make it better in your eyes they are only making it worse? Oh man.
Things just went downhill from there and I just had myself so worked up about everything that I couldn't think straight. So I took lots of Advil, iced my shoulder and went to bed at 8 pm.
Then I woke up this morning to do my run and before leaving read on Jen's blog about Marit and Liz's cycling accident.
And my heart just sank.
Of course I'm thankful that they are both alive and relatively healthy but I can almost taste the disappointment Marit must feel for having to miss IMAZ. It brought back all my memories of June 1, 2007.
And it put everything into perspective for me.
During much of my run this morning I prayed for Marit and Liz, for their recoveries and all the aftermath and for the fact that the accident happened so far away from home. That has to be scary. I don't know either of them personally but I feel like I do and I'd put a lot of money on the fact that they are strong, amazing people that will get through this just fine.
There is no question that this sport is dangerous - cycling very much so but also all the stress we put on our bodies. The thing is, that stress builds a strength that is not easily sapped and a spirit that refuses to be broken. And that's the strength and spirit that carries us through things we aren't sure we can get through. Marit and Liz will get healthy. They will race again. They will race brilliantly again. My shoulder will heal. I will get back in the pool eventually. And life will go on.
Get better soon Marit and Liz - we are all thinking of you and praying for you!
Posted by beth at March 18, 2008 12:47 PM
Comments
Beth, I'm so sorry to hear about your shoulder. It seems like when it rains it pours in the triblog community. Hang in there. I know you're smart and will give your shoulder the rest it needs. Sorry yesterday was so crappy. I hope today is better!
-ness.
Posted by: Ness at March 18, 2008 1:35 PM
Oh, your post brought tears to my eyes. You have such a way with words and compassion that is seems like you are socialworkerdietician. (I used my German grammar skills to make a compound word in English.) I hope that your shoulder does get better as quickly as the pain came on. Sorry you had a chitchatchick (Kerri Robbins' compound words) shadowing you yesterday.
:) Danielle
Posted by: Danielle at March 18, 2008 2:53 PM
Don't worry about your shoulder. I'm right handed and therefore have had several right shoulder issues anytime I start to do a lot of swimming or take it up a notch and then it just sort of settles in again. So just take it easy and I'm sure you'll be fine. It stinks though when you're trying to accomplish something and you've got something painful going on. Get better soon!
Posted by: kellye at March 18, 2008 3:29 PM
Beth,
I'm sorry you had a bad day yesterday! You know what, I just had a feeling that something went wrong with you. You blog almost every day and, when you don't, it's because you're traveling to/from races. Or, you don't blog when something goes wrong like it did last June. I was a little worried about you, Beth! I'm sending good healing vibes for your shoulder and for your mind.
How awful to hear about those girls' bike crash! I'm so glad that everyone will heal and be alright, somewhere down the road. You're so right about these big things giving us perspective about the little things in life. That is not to say that we are trivializing the little things with the perspective, but that it gives us a rational, logical way to deal with it all.
Thinking good thoughts for you!
Meghan
PS. I was feeling a little bad for myself because I had to bail on speed workout mid-way through today. My stomach was really upset and I couldn't run fast. I'll go back and do it again tomorrow, but I was angry with myself because I have to change several days of my workout schedule to adjust. In the grand scheme of life, though, it's not a big deal. Thanks for the perspective!
Posted by: Meghan at March 18, 2008 8:53 PM