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October 13, 2005
What the Heck
Let me just say, I'm one sorry state of affairs right now. Please do let me vent...
My feet are killing me. I hate them. They feel WORSE than they did before going to the podiatrist yesterday?! The one actually hurts so badly that I called the podiatrist's office this morning to make sure it wasn't going to fall off. I'm told this is a common side effect of cortisone - a "cortisone flare" if you will. Um...next time I'm just saying no to cortisone. It's more trouble than it's worth. I had hoped to run tomorrow but that might be on hold until I can walk without holding onto the wall. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but truthfully my feet don't feel very good. And the boot (night splint), while I think it will help, kept me up all night. Actually, I took it off around 1 am but didn't fall asleep anyway so I'm thinking the sleeplessness has more to do with my overall stressed state than with the actual boot. We shall see. Needless to say, this injury has gone on long enough. We are going on 4 months here and my patience has long run out!
Next up - my stressful job has got to go. I used to have one of those jobs where you kind of did what you wanted and you really weren't too accountable to anyone but yourself. No longer and I don't like it! More than one person asked me if I was okay today at work. That is not a good sign. One positive - my boss knows I'm struggling and she let me take Monday as PTO (paid time off) despite the short notice. Thank goodness!
Then there is school - it's stressing me out to. I tell myself I'll quit but I know I won't. If it takes me 5 more years, well than 5 more years it is. UGH!
And O and I have had some financial concerns as well that are eating at me. Worrying about money is not a fun thing - ever.
So there we have it. I kid you not - I cried the whole drive home from work today. I was just feeling so overwhelmed and worried and letting it all crowd in on me. But now I've gained some perspective. All the same worries still exist, but O got me to laugh and realize that IT WILL BE OKAY. School work will get done, bills will get paid, feet will get better, jobs will become less stressful. And even if it doesn't happen all at once or at all, we will survive! Life is good! I'm feeling better already. PLUS - we may get a dog!!! A co-worker of mine has a friend that is in vet school and she has a cute little dog named Roxy who she wants to give away. I asked O if we could have her and he actually went for the idea! Not sure if it will really happen but my co-worker is inquiring about it as I type. Yippppppeeeee!!!!!! (although we've already discussed that O would be the feeder/walker in the morning because I cannot get up any earlier than I already do!)
Ahhh....exercise. Despite the fact that I wanted to drive straight home and curl up in a ball and never uncurl, I did go to the gym after work to do the bike and lift. My feet would not have withstood the elliptical today. That's one good thing about the bike - your feet don't feel a thing. I did the bike for 45 minutes total and lifted as well. Tomorrow is still up in the air - more cross training vs run. It will probably be the former. I am now telling myself that no matter what the case IT WILL BE OKAY. I think I may make that my new motto - IT WILL BE OKAY!!! :)
Posted by beth at October 13, 2005 8:21 PM
Comments
Hang in there! You probably felt this way in college too -- remember all the exams and the injuries then? Yeah, the stakes are a little higher now with a mortgage and a real job -- but you got through college more or less intact, and you'll get through this more or less intact. ;-)
And are you really going to get a dog? Is it better behaved than Hershey? Will you be able to run with it?
Posted by: B at October 13, 2005 9:15 PM
omg, this is such a sad post. there is so much going on with you right now. i'm thinking of you...from your blog you seem like such a strong and capable person. i am confident you will make it through this drama unscathed. very confident you will.
and yeah, please don't get up any earlier!
Posted by: Audrey at October 13, 2005 11:16 PM
I am sad to hear that things are stressing you out right now Beth. You are always so very positive and I am sure you'll be feeling better about everything soon. I hope your feet start to feel better, and I would stay away from the cortisone in the future as well, it just sounds scary.
I hope things start looking up soon :)
And that is so exciting about the dog!! Good luck, I hope it works out.
Posted by: Barb at October 14, 2005 12:05 AM
This is such a sad post, because I'm sure it takes a lot to get you down. I can also relate to a lot of it, because I've been going through many of the same issues recently, I just haven't been able to write about them on my blog. But you're right, things will be okay...they always seem to have a way of working themselves out. But that doesn't mean they aren't hard in the meantime.
And though I can't relate to the running injury (and I'm sure that just makes all of the other problems worse), I've been living with someone with the same injury for three years, so in a way, I can relate. At least you haven't exhausted all of the treatment options yet, but I know how nasty PF can be. I hope you and your feet are feeling better today.
Posted by: Alison at October 14, 2005 8:42 AM
Sadness...I'm sorry you had such a stressful and hard day. Everything will be okay and I know your positive spirit will be back very soon.
I hope you get Roxy too. :)
Posted by: Leilani at October 14, 2005 9:18 AM
Dont worry
do something about it
if you cant do anything about it
dont worry
'cause if you do
it will only get worse
or to quote Luke 12:25,26 'Who of YOU by being anxious can add a cubit to his life span? 26 If, therefore, YOU cannot do the least thing, why be anxious about the remaining things?' Hope that helps, peter [www.opalmine.com]
Posted by: peter at March 20, 2007 8:43 PM