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May 31, 2007
Trying to distract myself
In general, I tend to be an anxious/nervous person--especially about health issues and even more so when I am injured and unable to run--so I woke up with butterflies in my stomach this morning. It is hard for me to fall asleep because I am so worried about getting a call in the middle of the night about my dad, but I managed to do okay last night--both Matt and I were out almost immediately, especially since we had just driven back. I was glad to get back to the gym today, but I found it hard to be as focused on my workout (half elliptical/half stationary bike) as I usually am, especially since I was listening to my iPod and kept thinking how my dad and I like the same music (he introduced me to many of the folk artists who are now my faves). My knee also didn't feel that great. Not so much on the inside, but it was stiff in the back and the front and pretty much all over. I should not have run for as long as I did yesterday. But what's done is done.
If anyone is interested, we have set up and begun posting to a blog about my dad's condition at http://markorfinger.blogspot.com. No major news today, but the doctors were able to complete the lumbar puncture that they've been wanting to do since he came into the ER on Sunday and his white cell count dropped a little more. I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin today every time my cell phone rang and it was a family member.
Work was a good distraction today, but it was really hard to concentrate. I am so, so grateful to my boss for cutting me a lot of slack and to my awesome intern, who is just a work machine. (I rewarded her with an empty office today--I don't even have an office!) I lifted after work but it was sort of blah. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I am in a fog and it is even affecting my workouts, but that's me and I am hard on myself. My lifting this week has been pathetic but I think I am going to stick to my not lifting on Friday schedule tomorrow just because my body and mind are working hard in other ways this week.
Thanks to everyone for their kind and hopeful words. It means so much to me and to my family.
Posted by becky at May 31, 2007 8:53 PM
Comments
I can completely sympathize with your ideas about the "fog" that surrounds all the details of life when one is experiencing something as serious and traumatizing as a very sick father. I hope that you won't beat yourself up over changing/adapting your exercise and other life routines at this time. Use exercise as the relieving agent you need, rather than another monkey on your back.
Still sending lots of healing and strength vibes. You have a lot of online "friends" out here, so feel free to use us to vent/ilicit support/derive comfort all you want!
Meghan
Posted by: Meghan at June 1, 2007 1:17 AM
Becky,
I read your blog often to motivate me in my training (and because you were in Boston when I started reading, and I went to grad school there too), but I've never commented.
Just wanted you to know, though, that a stranger is thinking about and praying for your dad today.
Best,
Amy
Posted by: Amy at June 1, 2007 11:10 AM