One Track Mind

I haven't written all fall because I've been very busy and I haven't had much to say. Things are going very well. My new job is great; my new location is great. Everything was going quite smoothly until last week, when I took one wrong step.

I went out for a nice and easy run with three of the first-years on our team. It was a nice run, not particularly taxing (which was good, since I had spent more than 3 hours on the elliptical in the previous 24 hours--I'd been watching movies while I worked out--and my legs were pretty tired). Maybe it was because I hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before or maybe it was because of all that time spent on the elliptical that I tripped over nothing as we were returning to campus. I was running just behind everyone else, and if I could have fallen and gotten up without their noticing, I would have. Falling is embarrassing, so my tendency is always to bounce back up as quickly as possible.

I did bounce back up, took a few strides, and said, "Wow, that really hurt." I think I first realized that something was wrong when I heard someone else's reaction. I looked down, and there was essentially a big hole in my knee with blood running out. I was running on grass, but my guess is that my knee came down on the sharp curb that I was running next to. I tried to keep walking, because how else was I going to get down to the training room? But the three runners I was with eventually convinced me to stay there and they would go get help. One of them stayed with me, but I was getting really thirsty (I doubt this was due to blood loss, but more because I had just run 9+ miles on a hot day), so she ran in to get me some water. I laid down on my back on the grass, because I thought maybe it would prevent my leg from bleeding so much. Plus, I didn't really want to look at my knee.

While I was laying on the grass, right next to a minor road through campus, I was amazed by how many people walked or drove by me and didn't ask if I was okay. In the big scheme of things, I was fine, of course, and I had help on the way, but it was obviously not a spot where you would lay down to rest...so I'm glad I wasn't having a heart attack or anything. You hear about studies like this all the time, where someone is obviously suffering and others just ignore it.

I had to laugh that when our 55-second 400m runner came back with one of the trainers, he had to catch his breath before he could help me. He said, "Your girls are fast!" He also took one look at me and said I'd have to go over to the University, across town, for treatment, because they couldn't help me there. I was upset about this, because I kept thinking, "All I did was fall. This can't be that bad!" However, the next round of people who showed up said they couldn't treat me across town, I'd have to go to the hospital, in an ambulance.

I was fine until they mentioned the word ambulance, because for some reason I was under the impression that an ambulance ride was going to cost me $500. (I got the bill two days ago and it cost $511, so I was right on about the price, but I'm not actually going to have to pay it. Because I was "on the job," my employer is being great and taking care of the medical bills.) Since I am not making very much money this year, I was really worried about the cost (I have health insurance but it's not great), and all I could think was that everyone was overreacting, and couldn't we just fix this in the training room.

They put me on a stretcher, belted me in, and put me in the back of the ambulance. And if that wasn't enough, they even used the siren as they drove me to Northampton. I used that time to call my parents to ask them to meet me at the hospital (I was going to need a ride home) and to call P and let him know what was going on. (He's still living in Somerville, so there wasn't much he could do other than be sympathetic.)

The pain didn't really hit me until I was in the ambulance; that was when my knee started to throb. Though everything went very quickly up until that point, the rest of the evening just dragged on. It took them a while to attend to me in the emergency room. I'm sure that there were people with far more severe problems there that night, but I just wished someone would have offered me some ibuprofen. It was about two hours before anyone actually started looking at my knee, and in that time I was in a lot of pain and I was very cold. (You know how it is when you're wearing your sweaty running clothes on a hot day and you go into an air conditioned building...)

I was very glad when my parents showed up, because they kept me entertained, gave me food and something to drink (it had been hours and hours since I had eaten). I had to ask for some ibuprofen, but once I got that, the evening was much better.

They x-rayed my hand and knee and nothing was broken. I didn't even realize that my hand hurt and it was swollen until I had been in the hospital for a while. That has healed just fine.

I eventually got four stitches inside my knee and eight on the outside. The ER doctor told me that my skin would heal faster than my bone bruise (I think that bone bruises only show up on MRIs, so I'm guessing the idea that I have one is just speculation, but I would definitely believe it.) Ridiculously, he told me that I could run and walk, but I just couldn't bend my knee past 90 degrees for the first week. I think it would be accurate to say that I may run, but I can't. I wished he hadn't said that, because it made me think I was going to recover faster than I have.

For the first several days, walking was quite painful. I was taking tons of ibuprofen, and had to go to the doctor for something stronger. The percocet they gave me was temporarily helpful, until it made me throw up, and I decided to go back to ibuprofen. Now I'm still in pain, but not so much pain that I need to take anything for it.

Eight days later, I can walk with a big limp, no form of crosstraining is even an option, and I can't drive (because I can't bend my left leg well enough to get it on and off the clutch). Amazingly, I have not gone crazy from the lack of exercise, and I am trying not to worry about all of the fitness that is being sucked out of me every minute I'm not training (just kidding). I've been doing a bunch of strength training at home...I'm not picky about what I do, I just do everything I'm able to do with the limited equipment I have and the constraints of my left knee.

One thing that has been hard is depending on other people for so much. I have to rely on other people for rides to and from work (luckily I only live one mile from work), and P came to visit this past weekend and took me to the grocery store and a cross country meet (so I could get my fix).

I'll admit that since this all happened, I've had moments where I've thought, "If I had just hadn't taken that one wrong step..." However, maybe I should just consider myself lucky that this kind of thing hasn't happened to me ever before. I've now also heard about another runner who did something similar but had to get 22 stitches, so it's good to know that I'm not the only person who's had this sort of thing happen.

I'm getting my stitches out on 10/11, and I'm hoping after that I'll at least be able to do something in the pool. I'm not thinking about when I'll be able to run again, but I will be happy when I can do some form of crosstraining. I'm looking at this as an opportunity. I haven't had a real break from running in nearly five years. I wasn't going to take a break on my own, but I probably needed one. Here's my (forced) opportunity. (If I had a choice, I probably wouldn't pick Sept/Oct for my break!) And hopefully this will help my motivation when I do return to running. For now, I'll just be happy when I can walk without a limp and drive again!

In the meantime, life goes on. I'm still able to do everything else. I haven't missed a day of work, and I'm going to the New England XC Championships, the BAA Half, and the Tufts 10k to watch this weekend. The logistics are a bit tougher without being able to drive, but luckily I have some great people who are helping me out!